Dienstag, 6. August 2013

That's why

These are my reasons


With tears in my eyes i made my way away from the campus.

My hands were clenched to fists and i stared straight forwards. I did not look back. 
It was only twelve a clock on this friday and i had two classes left but i could not take it anymore.

I was not strong enough to take it anymore. 
I was to weak, to weak to fight this tears.

From the left side of my chest radiated an indescribable pain trough my whole body.
I was just about to falling onto my knees, but i was not that far from the school grounds...Not that they was about to follow me, no they were in their classes too so how could they?
With my left hand i touched this spot of my head where someone in my last class hit me with the paperback-version of an encyclopedia. I had no clue who it was but that did not matter. Maybe it was an inadvertence...Maybe not. It did not matter.
The way they looked at me told me everything, nearly everything.
When i sat there alone during the lunch with everyone around me chatting and laughing...It was hard.
I could have turned away from all of them but i did not.
I thought that i have had friends, i thought that i would have belonged to them but i did not. 
Wednesday was that day when i realized that i was nothing to them.

I meant nothing to them. Of course one or two tried to tell me that i was wrong thinking so but they lied. 
I knew that deep in my heart and it did not matter that they thought i was mad right now.

I had to leave. It was the only chance i had.
But it hurt. It hurt so much in my heart that it nearly killed me.
That it was about to let me break into thousand pieces. 
They knew that i would leave them. Nearly all of them knew that i would not be there after the holidays. 
That i would never come back, that i would never talk with them anymore, that i would ignore them when we met in the city like the ignored me when i was with them...But that did not matter to them. 
In some ways that was quiet okay, i guess, because if they would be sad about it or something like that, my decision would have been wrong, wouldn't it?

But it hurt. I had to wipe my tears away which had found their ways down my cheeks and onto the ground. 
I cried, because i lived in a dream-world for so long. In a dream-world that had fallen apart years ago.
My heart, my soul, my mind, everything that had craved for their acceptance, their smiles, their smalltalks... 
I was fallen apart to and i had to stop it. There was no other way.
When i would go on living like this i am sure i would die during the next year.
Some of them said my decision was about making me feeling worse than now but it could not be true...They also said that this problems was about myself and it would never be better on this other school...
That statement truly broke my heart. Did they hate me?
I don't know...I really don't know. 
I was bullied. I realized it through the last year. 
And now, now i was running away. This was the only true thing they told me.
I was running away from my crashed soul.
I was running away to start a new life, a life without them, without their mockery, their backbiting...
I was running away to be a better human.



Sonntag, 4. August 2013

Breaking down

Why?

The rain was pouring from the dark, gray sky while the both girls were standing in front of each other.
Their clothes were already soaked with the water and their hairs were tousled by the stormy wind.
There were no sounds except the howling of the wind and the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops when they hit the hard ground.
The taller one, a blond, blue-eyed girl looked directly to the other girl, which had red hairs and strange gray eyes, but she was not able to catch her gaze because the red-haired girl was looking on the dirt below.
They did not move but if there had been a stranger, he also would have realized the tension in the air.
Minaya new that something was wrong because the blond girl was not supposed to be here.
She did not fit into the Rain-Country.
No, her former best friend was from the Sand-Village, a place with no rain but that was not the only thing that was wrong in here...
She could not look into this blue eyes.
Maybe now they had turned into red ones like then when she was angry with her or anyone else.
Maybe they were red like the last time they had seen each other. 
When their friendship ended because of the monster, the demon that was caged inside her.
"Minaya.", the addressed shivered by the icy tone of her voice.
It was like she was now forced to raise her eyes so their gazes met.
What she saw next let her shivered even more because the girl had pull out her longsword and held it so that the top of it was pointing on Minayas chest. 
She felt tears welling into her eyes but as she cried it only looked like the rain would stream down her face.
"Yuri...", she whispered and was shocked about how weak her own voice sounded.
Her small hands clenched into fists and she pressed them against her hip to fight against the tears and the shakiness. But it failed.
Yurika continued with staring at her but her eyes were still blue.
They were colder and emotionless than they used to be. This was not the Yuri that Minaya knew all those years, not the Yuri she whised her to be.
In those blue eyes laid those feelings she always saw by nearly everyone.
Hate. Hate and fear.
"Why...?", she asked, trying to let her voice sound more strong but could not prevent that all this pain found a way into the tone of her voice. "Why, Yuri?"
"You're a monster.", the blond girl hissed, her voice soaked with hate and anger like her dress was soaked with water and clasped her sword a little tighter. "You're a danger for everyone."
Minayas eyes widen although it was not the first time for her to hear those words.
But they were different now because now they came from her best friend.
From the only one she believed in, the only one she trusted...
Although they were now parted from each other. 
She felt the hot tears streaming down her face, more quickly and intensive now and shock her head.
"But...But Yuri...You...You...", she could not finish this sentence.
She gasped for breath while she felt that her heart broke once again.
It did it so many times but now the pain was also physically and not just psychically... 
"No.", in this moment the blue eyes of Yurika turned into red and she fixed Minaya with them like a hunter focused a rabbit. 


"But...You were like a sister to me. You are.", she whimpered while a memory flickered in front of her eyes.
'I know what it feels like.', a soft voice said while a hand reached out for her own.
'What do you mean?', she asked.
'I know their gazes. I know their words. They also hit me with them.', the blonde explained and her blue eyes turned sad for a little moment. 
'Eh?', Minaya asked while she stared at the other girls hand, still struggling with herself whether she should take it or not. 'But you are the best in class and all of the others...simply love you.', she said with a little jealousy mixed in the admiration she tended for her.
Yurika tried to catch the gaze of the younger girl.
'I could not control it then, you know?', she said.
Minaya seemed surprised but a moment later she sighed. 'But now you can. I can not control it. I just don't know how i should learn it.', she meant helplessly. 
'Hey, buck up!', the taller girl said and her voice sounded friendly and warm while she nudged her. Minaya looked up to let her strange grey eyes meet the strange red eyes and laughed quietly.
'Thank you, Yurika.', she smiled one of her rarely smiles at her.
'You don't have to thank me.', Yurika said. 'And call me Yuri, okay?'
'Okay.'

They had become comrades then, in a team with a tall, brown-haired boy named Mitsuro and their teacher, a blond, tall and big person named Rikudo. She learned to trust, first just Yuri and then the other ones. She learned to fight together with them, to defend them, to give her life for them.
She was also able to control her powers more but then...Then they caught this damn demon inside her.


She shook her head, no, she was not allowed to talk so about Nibi. It was now the only comrade she had left. They were one team now she learned how to control it, how to work together with it.
Yurika took a step forward and raised her weapon above her head. 
"You mean nothing to me anymore!", she yelled and shut down her sword at Minayas chest. "So die!"
"NO!", Minaya screamed while covering her head with her arms and staring at her former friend.
She expected the stinging pain but instead her field of view turned white.
Yurika stood still, her sword just inches away form Minayas arms, her eyes widened in horror and pain. Then she fell on her knees, unhand her weapon and drop on the ground.
"What...", she whispered weakly.
Minaya came to herself again and blinked the tears away. 
Than she froze. 
"Yuri!", she said and ran towards her put was stopped by a invisible wall.
"Don't touch me, you demon!", Yurika sat up and stared at her with pure hate. 
"You deserve to die.", she hissed and stood up slowly. Her breath turned normal again and she picked up the sword next to her. "You're weak and can't control your powers. You're danger", her voice sounded icy but a little softer. Nearly to soft.


It hurt.
Minaya sobbed quietly and closed her eyes as the girl attacked her again.
Maybe she was right. Maybe she deserved the death and all this.
Maybe the world would be a better place without her...
Maybe she was right, because it was true that Minaya was weak.
She did not even managed to find her elder brother...So maybe the death was a good opinion now.
She heard the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops. She heard the howling of the wind. 
The fast steps of Yuri running towards her to make her an end.
The sound of the sword cut the air and then a strange, clinging sound...
Minaya slowly opened her eyes and saw a person in black clothes which stopped Yuris sword with another swordlike weapon. The man had red hairs and although she could not see his face, she was able to see the necklace that was twisted at his neck.
On the chain was a half-heart-shaped white pendant. 
"Who are you?", she and Yurika asked at the same time, Minayas voice dominated by surprise and expectation, Yuris voice soaked by surprise and anger. "Why are you defending her?", Yurika added. 
But Nagato was not a man of many words, especially not than, when he was saving his younger sister.