Apart

Fading Paradise

War was not pretty at all. It had no light side. It was just dark.

When it was upon him it caused a horrobile depression, a mixture of anger and hate towards the enemies.

Only the strongest could survive. 

To him it seemed like a natural right. Segregation lead to evolution. 

And evolution happened all the time - Mathias was awar of that fact.

Because of it he had won.

He was reliefed thanks to this knowledge. It was over.

The Dane was pretty good in forgetting what he had done during the war time.
Did not count the man he had killed.

Did not think about the families he had destroied, not about the places he had burned.

Not about the fields that were soaked with the blood of the dead and dying.

Just his own wished filled his mind since the end of the war - he wanted to go home.

While Mathias still held the bloody ax in his hands, he was on his way. Back to where they lived together - most of all in peace and harmony. He headed, his eyes searching although he knew the way blindly.

His heart longed for the happiness he would find there.

He was clearly in a hurry when he suddenly stopped, his attention caught by a shimmering object on the ground in front of him. For a short moment he was blended by the reflected light of the winter sun.

It looked familiar and the huge man leaned down and grabbed it.
Immediatly his heart was full of fear and worries. A cold, invisible hand grabbed his throat.

It was a silver, cross-formed hairclip.

For a second Mathias just stared at it and the little of dried blood on it. His hands clinched to fists and he stood up, turned around and started running.

"Lukas!", he called out, finally freeing hisself from the grip of shock that had made him speechless.

He scanned the perimeter for the tiny, feminine boy that used to possess not only this brooch but his own heart. For over an hour he searched until he found him.

Before he realized the other nation himself, he saw that the snow underneath his military boots had lost its innocent white - it was lighty red and brown. Blood.

He followed the track, his steps had slowed down and then he finally saw him.

"Lukas.", he cried out and speeded towards him.

The blonde boy leaned against a tree, his head slightly turned to the right side and rested on his chest.
His blue military uniform was stained with blood - not only dried but also fresh in a crimson rest.

It was spilling outside from a wound on his left chest, right under the point where the heart was.

His skin that was normally milky was now more than pale - it was whiter than the snow and his eyes - Mathias remembered that they were huge, deep and had the colour of the sky at dawn - were close.

In shock, despair and horror Mathias managed somehow to take off his cloak - then he broke down onto his knees, wrapped the jacket around the younger one in an instinct to protect him. He looked at him, his bottom lip trembling and caught Lukas in an embrace.

The skin felt cold against his own but it could not be that...he did not dare to even think about it, worrying that it could become true. To Mathias' relief there was a movement of the boys chest.

Lukas was breathing.

Still breathing, he thought and closed his eyes in sight of the nearing defeat. But the fear had already put tears in his eyes. "Don't leave me.", he whispered, his voice was shacking, cracking. "Please."

He opened his eyes again and was surprised as he looked into the amthyst orbs of Lukas' eyes.

This sight finally broke Mathias' wall and the tears flowed freely over his cheeks. He hold on to Lukas' slender shoulders. "Don't die.", he sobbed quietly. "Stay. Stay with me."

Lukas glanced at him, his eyes were as deep as ever but they seemed to become cloudly.

" 'nt...cr..y...", the usually tender voice - it had also been sharp towards him sometimes but Mathias did not remember that - sounded broken. The wounded boy reached out and cupped the cheek of his fried, whipped away his tears softly.

"I'll bring you home, Lukas. I promise. So...Hand on." Mathias looked at the wound and he still could not stop crying. "I'll stopp the blood loss. Don't worry.", he said just to calm himself down.

He laid him back on the ground and froze for a second.

Lukas was smiling at him although he must have been in immense pain.

Mathias had not seen that smile for a long, long time - it was because the Norwegian never smiled during the war. It was beautiful. It should have made him happy like it always did but in contrast to that his eyes and his heart filled with worries and guilt. He did not want to lose that smile. He would not stand it at all to lose him. He would never forgive himself nor the world or that cruel destiny.

The young man ripped a piece of his shirt - not mattering the cold - and used it to bandage the wound.

Lukas winced in pain. "I'm sorry but it has to be.", he said and smiled weakly at him.

For that he gained another, slightly understanding smile from Lukas. 

"It's good to see you smiling. It has been a long while.", Mathias said quietly, lifted him up and held him close.

Lukas' head rested against his shoulder and it seemed like he had no strenght anymore.

His purple eyes closed and he was shivering.

Mathias bit his bottom lip. Why could he not have been there earlier?
Why could he not have been there to protect him?
Was that the punishment for all his sins? The murder, the destructions? His selfishness?
But why then Lukas?
Lukas did care about his doings.

Lukas mourned for everyone he lost, for everyone he killed. He counted each men.

He used to fed the orphans in his beloved population and to tell them stories about faries and unicorns.

He rebuild the places he had destroied, he erected monuments on the bloodstained fields.

He was not selfish and it would be not fair to let him die as a fine for Mathias' sins. To bare them.

The Dane regognized that the others chest was rising and falling fast - much too fast. He started running.

To his luck he knew the landscape very well and did not get lost on their way home.

But it was getting worse.

He could feel the hearbeat getting lower and the skind of he face that leaned against his shoulder getting colder.

Faster. Faster. He could see their house now - it was not more than two miles away. Faster.

Lukas was too quiet but he still smiled. That was what made Mathias cry again.

"No, no, no, don't die on me!", he begged and his voice forced Lukas to open his eyes again. "Please."

He could not stop the tears, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he tried to smile in order to make Lukas feel safe. This lost would kill him too. It would kill his heart and soul. 

"Jeg elsker dig.", he whispered.

Before it was too late. He had to say it. No matter if it sounded strange. No matter if it was supposed to be like that or not. No matter if he would ge a rebuke.

He needed him to know.

While he was fully running he heard Lukas voice.

It seemed to be far away and full of pain for it was quiet and broken. It was not easy to understand what he was saying, because the words came slowly and clipped. 

"..Je...g....elsker...de...g...", just a whisper in norwegian but their languages had only small differences.

Even so, Mathias knew exactly the meaning of these words also he had not expected to hear them.

Although he had longed for this phrase since he had come to know him.

"Lukas...", he said softly, finally reaching the house. He did not now wheter he should smile or cry. 

He could not lose him.

The door crashed open but it was all the same to him whether he destroyed it or not.
He stormed inside and put Lukas carefully down on the couch. "Wait for a second.", he said and went to the kitchen.
When he came back, with the medical supplies and a bottle of beer, Lukas looked up to him. His wound had started bleeding again and he had both of his hands pressed on it. Mathias sat next to him, worries in his blue eyes and gently took the others hands away from wound. "It'll be alright.", he promised and started do clean and bandage it properly. But it did not work like he wanted it. It was like they had hit a main artery. It did not stop bleeding no matter what he tried.

And although Lukas tried to hide it, he was wincing and pressing his teeth together. To see him like that nearly broke Mathias. But he could not give up on him. And Lukas could, after all, also not give up. It seemed clear that he was fighting. He really did. However he did fight alone and because of that Mathias felt more helpless like ever.
"Do you want anything?", he asked him, never turning away his gaze from those feverish shimmering eyes. He only wished he could support him in his struggle. He did not want him to lose this fight.
Mathias, of course, did not have a clue that he was already helping Lukas. He was the last thing the young man held on too. It was their shared memories and the fact that he was by his side.

Lukas' lips turned into a small smile. A request? He felt somehow like this could be his last…
"…Ky…sse…", he managed to say it although his voice was shacking. He had lost far too much energy but that was not the only reason. Love. Sadness. Fear. All of them played their part.
Mathias smiled softly. "Seemed to end like a fairy tale, right?", he chuckled, leaned down to him.
"Jeg elsker dig."
Lukas was surprised how innocent and tender the pressure of Mathias' warm lips felt against his own. He returned it, wondering if Mathias was that warm or if he himself started to get more and colder. Lukas had closed his eyes and so he just felt the touch of Mathias' hand on his cheek. He was so warm that the air around him seemed so much colder in contrast to him. Lukas started to shiver. "It…'s…c-c…old…", he breathed and he could hear that his love was crying again. He forced himself to open his eyes although his eyelids were so, so heavy. It was painful to keep his eyes open.
His gaze met the tear streamed face of Mathias, those heaven blue eyes that shimmered in fear. "Don't go.", he said and pulled him from his place into his arms, cradling him against his chest. "Don't leave." Lukas buried his head in the other ones shoulder. This warmth was so conforming. Calming. "…'nt…cry…Kjær…ligh…et.", his voice was barely audible. "Jeg…elsker…deg, Math…ias…"
One and only.
His one and only.
His smile did not faint.
He was somehow happy.

Lukas closed his eyes.

"Lukas?", Mathias asked, his voice trembling from the emotions. He cupped the fine face with his hands and turned it up to him. Why was he so silent? So pale – so…so cold?! "Lukas!", he repeated, the despair made his voice louder. The tears did not stop. They were constantly streaming.
"No…No!", he cried, shacking him softly. But there was no response. "Don't…don't…please…", his voice was getting lower and lower. He leaned down and brushed the still lightly rosy lips with his own. There was no breath. Mathias shut his eyes, cradled him closer to him.
No heartbeat. He started to sob uncontrollably. "Lukas…"

His heart died with him.
His love.
His paradise disappeared.
His life.
His light left the world.
His smile, his laugh, his everything.

What happened to us?

Brother, my Brother

Remember the time when i hold you tight?

You still wear the scarf i gave to you

 Do you still know what it means?

Do you...remember me?

I remember a time when i was unafraid

When we was so tiny and small

I remember it as great

Could you hear my call?

What happened to us?
I'm afraid you'll repeat history

'Cause i still remember Liets screams

When Poland disapperad from this world

What happened to us?
You broke my heart and stole its pieces.

You tear me down like you did with him.

You destroy my unity

What happened to us?
I did not want to hurt you

But you don't care if you do

That's why i needed new allies

Can't you understand?

Europa

Fortune Goddess

Why is destiny so cruel?

Why is destiny so harsh?

Europa

I beg you

Save me from him

Save him from hisself

I just wanna live like yesterday

I just wanna hold your hand

I just wanna laugh with you

I just wanted to tell you

That i love you

No matter what you do to me

No matter whose my new ally

You're still...brother

In the sky

Shining above

The night is falling

Darkness approachs

Wind is howling

The clouds above

With hiding lights

Are you alone?

A whisper through darkness

You're not, you know?
A whisper in the dark

I'll rip the clouds

The moon above

The stars

Relay on me

They're shining

Through my heart

In the bamboo woods

Never alone again

It was dark in the high bamboo woods. 

The sun had sunk more than three hours ago and the night was without the shine of the moon and the stars.

The animals that lived here had gone to sleep and the only ones outsides were the creatures of night - some bats and a lonely leopard with shining eyes could be seen.

A little girl sat there out in the darkness although it was not at all a place for a child like her.

She wore a light pink dress with a few flowers on it and her brown eyes seemed a little angsty.

Her hair was a mess from the wandering in this unfamiliar place and she sat in the corner of four trees, her little head propped with her hands. It was not that cold out there but it was also not really warm and because the girl knew the climate of her tropical island, she shivered.

Her knees were pulled close to her petite body and her gaze flew from left to right and back to the left side.

She was afraid of the wild animals for she was only used to some birds and little kittens. But the bats did not sing. They only fluttered and screamed with a high voice. Their little bodies were in a massive swarm that casted huge shadows and it was their movements that scared the little girls like hell.

From now to then she let out a wince and wrapped her arms more tigh to her chest.

When a black silhouette appeared right in front of the just four years old girl the child let out a low and terrified scream.

"Na, what's with you, little one?", a soft voice asked before kneeling on the ground and looking closer at the girl. She recoiled immediatly, staring at him with frightened eyes but in the moment she met the dark brown, friendly eyes of the young men she bursted into tears.

A warm hand reached for her and those soft eyes became even more tender. "Hush, hush."
For China it was nothing new to meet young nations like Taiwan all on their own in the old bamboo woods. It was like they were simply dropped there by some unknown might.

He had adopt the little Japan just a few years ago - oh he wished that the boy did not made anything worse now. Japan was an adorable and good child, of course, but he was also a little bit selfish and did not really take care of his feelings.

But the girl there was a lot younger than Japan back then and her tears made him weak.

He wrapped his arms careful around her so she could free herself if she wanted to. Then he waited for her rebuke but she just sobbed into his shoulder.

A empathic smile appeared on Chinas lips and he stroke the petite back of the infant. 

"You're safe, little one.", he promised and held her a armlenght away from him so that he could look into her troubled eyes."I'll protect you. Alright?", he asked. The girl nodded and yawned.

That made the boy laugh. "Pretty tired?", he pulled her close back again and cradled her.

 In his native language, mandarin, he sung a small lullaby for her, known as the northeastern cradle song:

"The moon is bright, the wind is quiet,

The tree leaves hang over the window,

My little baby, go to sleep quickly...", he continued although the girl was pretty much asleep back then.

Chairly he brought her out of the forests into his house and looked out for Japan.

The boy laid down on the Futon-bed and held in his arm the panda-toy he had given to him a month ago. When he slept he could look so very innocent and cute that the older one wanted to pull him close but he did not want to disturb him. So he laid the small girl down, next to the boy and sat himself to them.

He gazed at the kids and took the girl back into his arms, stroke her hair and leaned himself back against the wall. In his sleep, Japan seemed to realize that his 'brother' was back there and unconsciously he crawled to him. Chinas smile was getting a bit brighter and he let the boy come closer, knowing that Japan would damn himself when he woked up in the morning like that.

China allowed to close his eyes when he had straightened out her dark hair.

"I love you...little ones.", he smiled and sank into the warm embrace of dreams.

A few decades later, for the nation it was nothing more to feel like two or three years, Taiwan playes with her three 'brothers' and her 'sister' Vietnam, on her island. The other girl, not really older than she was, had painted a tiger mask on the small face of the island girl.

The sun was shining bright while the boys, Japan, Honk Kong and Korea, build towers of sand and stone on the beach. China was sitting under the shadows of the palms, his panda sat behind him. He had his flute in his hands and brought it sometimes on his lips to play for them.

Taiwan and Vietnam were in the little forest not five meters away from his adoptive father and grinned her theets.
At the next moment they jumped at China, hissed in joy when the men flinched for a second.

"Girls!", he chuckled and caught them into an embrace. "Let go!", they laughed but enjoyed the closeness with him. Because of him these childs were not alone.

He rescued them.

Saved them from the dark of that lonely bamboo woods.

The flower island

Island girl

She was sitting outside, barely in sight of their house. The older boy was like her big brother, or maybe a father for she knew him for all her life. He had found her a long, long time ago in the bamboo woods. She had been there all on her own, alone with the trees around her and the light shining through the little green leafs.

The girl was thankful, yes, she truely was. She blinked in the warm and friendly light that shone from the sky and smiled while remembering the time when China simply hold her in his arm, sung a sweet lullaby for her and waited until she was asleep. Japan had laid next to her, on that time.

With this thought a sigh escaped her soft, heart-shaped lips and her fingertips stroke the stone underneath her. Japan had not liked China all the time, but this was a fact no one did ever realised.

Neither she nor Vietnam or Korea or Hong Kong or or or... No one could see behind the mask of that boy. She had loved him once and still, she loved him like a sister does.

But she could not understand why he was fighting the one who raised them all. Who protected them with his life and who held his hand above them, wipped the tears away when the young nations fell down.

Slowly she stood up and walked along the path that lead to the ocean of her island. 

She was glad that China liked to visit her often but at this moment he was not beside her.
She did not worry about him for he was a strong and wealthy nation or maybe he just played this role to calm her. She did not realised that at all.

The sun had rised only a hour ago and she loved the way the sunlight reflected itself in the blue water. Partially the water shone turquoise and she could see the colorful fishes. She knelt on the edge of the wooden path and looked at her reflection. 

The flower in her hair, a pink lily, sparkeld in the light and her brown hair flow over her slender shoulders. The darkbrown eyes that remembered the elder ones at chocolate seemed not worried at all.

She was calm. She was happy. She was beautiful in her own special way although she did not knew that. 

Some cats, her little friends sneaked to her and cuddled themself at her. The island girl laid herself down on the warm wood pallets and cradled the kittens inside her arms.

A little, laughter faded in the air as the pets licked her cheeks and she kissed the top of the nose of the littlest. The grey kitten was her favourite one and she loved it a bit more than the others.

A shadow apperaded behind her, she did not noticed. She was still too innocent and a piece far too naive to see that the sky was getting darker and not until the kitten winced she regognized that something was wrong.

The birds did not sung anymore - but it was not silent at all.

Were there planes on the sky? She looked up but on this moment the sky was clear again, and there were no military machines, there was no sound of war. Was she hallucinating? 

Taiwan looked aroung - the kitten were gone. "Lucky?", she called out quietly and stood up.

She stroke her hair back and walked the path back to the house, in search of her cats.

When she entered the house everything was quiet.

Of course, she thought, China had left yesterday in the everning - for a meeting with Japan. And Vietnam would come tomorrow like she promised. The only one who would visit her today was Korea.

The girl took a look on the calender. 

It was the seventeenth April 1895. 

She entered the living room - a very open space with windows at three of the walls. She could see the sunrise and the sunset everyday, could take a look at the stars while lying on the couch or taking a teabreak in the afternoon.
The room laid quiet but the glass of the windows were clouded and there was a silhouette in the right corner.

"Taiwan.", the voice sounded weak and beaten and it clinched her heart to hear this familiar voice.

"China?", she asked and stepped forwards, sank to her knees and looked at the young men. "Don't.", he raised his red hand and she could see the blood on it and all over his body.

"Are you...alright?", she asked softly and reached for her white handkerchief. Gently she tooked his hand into her own and bandaged it. Chinas dark, normally brown and green, now nearly black eyes were widen in horror. "Run.", he whispered and she laid her head on the right sight, her eyes were asking her big brother. What did he mean by that?
"I am...so terribly sorry...", the older one lifted his bandaged hand to her cheek and this touch brought tears in her eyes. "Why?", she took his shoulders and tried to lift him up but he was to heavy for her.

Then, suddenly, he pushed her away and that made the tears flow.

"Big brother...", she whispered and stiffened when two arms wrapped themselfs around her waist. "...what?"

"Hello, Sis.", a tender but dark voice whispered next to her ear. "Japan.", she said, her voice sounded neutral for she did not really knew if she should be afraid. Of course she should be.

Japan was the only one who would dare to mangle China like that. And his grip was tigh like he would never let go of her.
Taiwan searched for the gaze of China in which she founded so much guilt that she could not bare it.

"I am sorry.", the long haired man repeated. "You...have to go with Japan."

"What? Why?", she asked in panic. 

"That's the price for the peace.", Japan said with a 

low voice and pulled her even closer.

She tried to free herself and for that she received a bite in her neck that made her winced in pain and made China look away immediatly. 

In defeat she brought her hands to her face and buried it inside it. 

The sky outside was getting darker as she started to sob.

It was the seventeenth April eighteen hundred ninety-five. Japan occupied Taiwan in the Treaty of Shimonoseki after winning the Sino-Japanese war.

So finally - That's me

First of all, 
let me apologize for this long periode of silence between us.
So, to explain, i was, or i am, in stress and very busy at this time.
It's nice on the new school, but i have to work a lot - 
but i took the time, now, at spring holidays to make a short description about me 
(a few of you liked to knew a little bit more about me, 
if you do not want to, just read my short story for today and do not scroll down this page).

Cherry blossom

She took a few steps forward and laid her head in her neck.

The orange shimmer of the golden, setting sun warmed her pale skin, and her brown eyes looked into the light pink sky. On the horizon, the rainbowcolours filled the heaven in a slowly way and a soft wind was moving the air. A few bird flew around, sung a little, cheerful melody, but they were getting more and more lower. The night was falling, but it was going to be a bright, warm night.

She simply knew it.

The stones under her bare feet were warm, they was filled by the going heat of the sun and the air tasted sweet like a cherry blossom. She leaned herself against the wall of stone and flowers and dipped her toes into the little brook. The water was clear and cool and it shone in the moonlight.

She did not know how long she was sitting there, remembering the events of the day.

The laughter that echoed through the garden, the smiles the others granted her.

The jokes, the surprises that moved her heart and her lips in the same way and the sweet cakes that posessed the taste of the rainbow inside a case of starlight. In truth there were just the taste of her national cake - sugered pineapplepaste.

The kimono she wore was as old as she but it still was clean - a soft rose underground with pink flowers at the top, a white, long shirt - with golden details. It was not so special but it was like her.

She remembered a time when she was little, a time she played with the others like she did today, but also, a time when her kimono was bloodstained and her dark eyes filled with tears.

Yes, Taiwan was not a young nation but althoug she was not that old, her mind was filled with memories.

The girl was like the island, cheerful and beautiful and had a little bit weakness and melancholy between her joyful spirit. She was often cold when she visit the others in the north but she liked these Europeans.

When she was with them, she could let go. She could be herself and she simply loved that feelings the others emitted - they were honest. She was not in that argument, in that fight anymore - the fight about to how she belonged.

The girl opened her eyes again and looked up to the stars.

She had just one whish.

Independence.

A few facts

My name is Luisa, most of the people just call me Lulu, so this name is also okay.

I am now seventeen years old, in high school and a dancer for many years.

My hobbies are dancing, writing, a little bit of singing (mainly when I'm alone) and drawing.
I also like to read books, fantasy and espacially history-books and mangas - I am a cosplayer too, if you want to know this.

I do not want to tell you a lot about my personal background, but to make it short, i have endured some things in my life. No big drama and nothing to make a pushed catastrophe out of it but it was not nice what some people have done to me. Most of all, i write to erase the pain or to share very nice feelings with you - the next few post will proof this fact.

This website is just for fun, to share my thoughts about some things, to share my poetry, my prosa, to express my fantasy-filled mind.