Picture Perfect

Hello, my lovely readers,
i hope you are fine and that autumn in your countries is as beautiful as it turns to be here in middle europe - at least it is beautiful on sunny days.
Autumn is my favourite time to write because the nature gives me the most inspiration and well, since i am in Aachen to begin my studies in biology, i get many inspiration from there too.
Aachen, the favourite town of Karl the Great is a very important town when it comes to the german as well as the european history and as a history freak i simply love it here.
Anyways, i begun yet another fanfiction with an historical background but you can find it on fanfiction.net and it is too dark for my mood on this blog i guess.
So i'll just leave it with this short little information, yet another new poem of mine (in german xD) and a new pic.
I hope you are well,

love ya,

PS: By the way, you surely have instagram, don't ya? Mind is luisas_heart if anyone is interested in knowing this <3

Sonnenbad

Blind ist keine Dunkelheit,
Blind ist keine Schwärze,
Denn vielleicht, spürt man dann die Wärme,

Wärme des Herzens,
Wärme der Seele,

Wärme des Menschens

Wärme der Winde,
Wärme der Sonne

Wärme. Wärme, Wärme

Denn die Kälte lauert,

An allen Ecken,

In jeder Ritze

wird sie sich verstecken

Doch die Sonne deines Herzens

Kämpft für mich,

Die Sonne meines Herzens,

Kämpft für dich

The petals of summer

Flying Summer

With this, I'd like to present you the beginning of my latest short story, called 'Flying Summer'.
It's about a pixie girl that lived by a human family for five years and wakes up in a forest nearby without any memories just to find out that she is one of the last pixies in the woods and is destinied to safe the forest. Though she's still young and doesn't know any of her own powers at all...

Clarice had always loved the summer, especially those days when the air was all clean. Especially those nights when one could see really every little star on the dark blue midnightsky.
It was her first memory, the moon, the stars, soft grass beneath her, trees around her. Her first memory when she had awoken in the woods – just a child, not more than four years on earth – and all on her own.
It should have been a reason to cry – to cry for help or just to cry in angony but she stayed all quiet. It had been an instinct that made her lay still in the grass, her crystal eyes on the sky above her. Rainbows had appeared in front of her – rainbows that directly pierced through her eyes into her soul and changed the colour of the blue eyes – changed not only her appearance but also her way of thinking – not like the human child she was.
In this night she had become what she was by now – a fairy of the forest – a spirit of nature, a flying flower, full of grace.

First it had been a lonely life – and she was confused by all of those new things around her – of course she had been in the forest before, after all she had lived for four years as the daughter of two normal humans – but she didn't remember anything.
She had been kidnapped by fairys in that night – because she wasn't a normal child after all. The real daughter of her parents had been brought away a few hours after she had been born – and in exchange they had received Clarice, a fairy whose powers had been set on standby.
And this night had become the day of her awakening.

The world became a whole new place for her, a beautiful yet a dangerous place because she didn't know anything. Everything she did in that night was influenced by her instincts – how she sat there and just sat there for one, two, three hours, how she made her way through the chaotic mass of plants and grass and trees to search for water, how she listened for the sound of a small, streaming river that devided the forest in two parts, how she sniffed for the smell of food – just to find the sweetest strawberries the nature could give her, right next to the crystal clear water.

But in all this beauty there was something wrong, something that made her feel strange, that made her fear for her surroundings and herself too. She didn't know what it was, she couldn't say it, she could just feel it. The leafs that shone like jade stones in the silver light of the full moon and were reflected in the river seemed lively, didn't they? There was a thin white layer on the backsite of one of those leafs that couldn't be seen by a human's eyes but also not by those of the little pixie girl.

Clarice stood under the trees - the trees of the forest which suffered from an illness, a disease they couldn't fight on there own. And the fairies, the pixies that used to protect them from those dark shadows which killed them slowly, were gone.

A whole new world is waiting

Another apology

Oh wow, i can't believe it! It has been such a long time and i want to say sorry for my long absence - i didn't mean to leave you alone for so many months - but well, it means that i have many, many things to tell you - about me and how my view on the world has changed for me.

A few months ago, one anonymic guest on this little blog told me that i would just be another one of those teenage girls who long for Attention with their pitiful little stories.

But that, my dear ones, isn't true at all.

Yes, i am very happy that so, so many of you are visiting this website and yes, i am proud that you are looking at it and maybe read a few of my poems, a few of my short stories, a few drabbels of mine. I am proud and i am lucky but i am not addicted and i am not pitiful.

Now, let's stop the rage about those people who say such things - after all this is just a blog to share my thoughts, my fantasy, my stories with you. Stories which maybe bring tears to your eyes or a smile on your lips.

It's been a little more than half of a year that i have fallen in love.
An undying, strong love - not an easy and yet a perfect love. I live in a beautiful, chaotic, wonderful relationsship - though the last months were more than just a bit stressful - i made my final graduations, i finished school, i enrolled at the RWTH - an University in Aachen to study biology and so my time is going to become very limitated in a month.

I am happy to live here, that i found a cute little flat and all of it.

And finally i gathered the motivation and inspiration to write again.

I can present you today two of my newest poems - in german - though i also attempt to write english poems again and i started a new short Story calles 'Flying summer' - maybe i will also study Anglistik next year, who nows.
But well, here they are!

Lichtflug

Silberflügel
Ich warte
Auf einen Stern
Mich fortzutragen
Auf Lichterschwingen in
Regenbogenhimmel
Zu befreien von
Grauen Straßenecken und
Düsteren Worten

Rehaugen

Wenn

Bunte Blätter, smaragdgrün,

feurig fallend,

Die Blumen verglühn'

Wenn

Rehaugen glitzern,

Der letzte Wind weht,

Die Eisblumen schmelzen,

Der Winter vergeht,

Dann werde ich frei sein,

Dann werde ich stark,

Dann werde ich fliegen,

soweit ich vermag







Apart

Fading Paradise

War was not pretty at all. It had no light side. It was just dark.

When it was upon him it caused a horrobile depression, a mixture of anger and hate towards the enemies.

Only the strongest could survive. 

To him it seemed like a natural right. Segregation lead to evolution. 

And evolution happened all the time - Mathias was awar of that fact.

Because of it he had won.

He was reliefed thanks to this knowledge. It was over.

The Dane was pretty good in forgetting what he had done during the war time.
Did not count the man he had killed.

Did not think about the families he had destroied, not about the places he had burned.

Not about the fields that were soaked with the blood of the dead and dying.

Just his own wished filled his mind since the end of the war - he wanted to go home.

While Mathias still held the bloody ax in his hands, he was on his way. Back to where they lived together - most of all in peace and harmony. He headed, his eyes searching although he knew the way blindly.

His heart longed for the happiness he would find there.

He was clearly in a hurry when he suddenly stopped, his attention caught by a shimmering object on the ground in front of him. For a short moment he was blended by the reflected light of the winter sun.

It looked familiar and the huge man leaned down and grabbed it.
Immediatly his heart was full of fear and worries. A cold, invisible hand grabbed his throat.

It was a silver, cross-formed hairclip.

For a second Mathias just stared at it and the little of dried blood on it. His hands clinched to fists and he stood up, turned around and started running.

"Lukas!", he called out, finally freeing hisself from the grip of shock that had made him speechless.

He scanned the perimeter for the tiny, feminine boy that used to possess not only this brooch but his own heart. For over an hour he searched until he found him.

Before he realized the other nation himself, he saw that the snow underneath his military boots had lost its innocent white - it was lighty red and brown. Blood.

He followed the track, his steps had slowed down and then he finally saw him.

"Lukas.", he cried out and speeded towards him.

The blonde boy leaned against a tree, his head slightly turned to the right side and rested on his chest.
His blue military uniform was stained with blood - not only dried but also fresh in a crimson rest.

It was spilling outside from a wound on his left chest, right under the point where the heart was.

His skin that was normally milky was now more than pale - it was whiter than the snow and his eyes - Mathias remembered that they were huge, deep and had the colour of the sky at dawn - were close.

In shock, despair and horror Mathias managed somehow to take off his cloak - then he broke down onto his knees, wrapped the jacket around the younger one in an instinct to protect him. He looked at him, his bottom lip trembling and caught Lukas in an embrace.

The skin felt cold against his own but it could not be that...he did not dare to even think about it, worrying that it could become true. To Mathias' relief there was a movement of the boys chest.

Lukas was breathing.

Still breathing, he thought and closed his eyes in sight of the nearing defeat. But the fear had already put tears in his eyes. "Don't leave me.", he whispered, his voice was shacking, cracking. "Please."

He opened his eyes again and was surprised as he looked into the amthyst orbs of Lukas' eyes.

This sight finally broke Mathias' wall and the tears flowed freely over his cheeks. He hold on to Lukas' slender shoulders. "Don't die.", he sobbed quietly. "Stay. Stay with me."

Lukas glanced at him, his eyes were as deep as ever but they seemed to become cloudly.

" 'nt...cr..y...", the usually tender voice - it had also been sharp towards him sometimes but Mathias did not remember that - sounded broken. The wounded boy reached out and cupped the cheek of his fried, whipped away his tears softly.

"I'll bring you home, Lukas. I promise. So...Hand on." Mathias looked at the wound and he still could not stop crying. "I'll stopp the blood loss. Don't worry.", he said just to calm himself down.

He laid him back on the ground and froze for a second.

Lukas was smiling at him although he must have been in immense pain.

Mathias had not seen that smile for a long, long time - it was because the Norwegian never smiled during the war. It was beautiful. It should have made him happy like it always did but in contrast to that his eyes and his heart filled with worries and guilt. He did not want to lose that smile. He would not stand it at all to lose him. He would never forgive himself nor the world or that cruel destiny.

The young man ripped a piece of his shirt - not mattering the cold - and used it to bandage the wound.

Lukas winced in pain. "I'm sorry but it has to be.", he said and smiled weakly at him.

For that he gained another, slightly understanding smile from Lukas. 

"It's good to see you smiling. It has been a long while.", Mathias said quietly, lifted him up and held him close.

Lukas' head rested against his shoulder and it seemed like he had no strenght anymore.

His purple eyes closed and he was shivering.

Mathias bit his bottom lip. Why could he not have been there earlier?
Why could he not have been there to protect him?
Was that the punishment for all his sins? The murder, the destructions? His selfishness?
But why then Lukas?
Lukas did care about his doings.

Lukas mourned for everyone he lost, for everyone he killed. He counted each men.

He used to fed the orphans in his beloved population and to tell them stories about faries and unicorns.

He rebuild the places he had destroied, he erected monuments on the bloodstained fields.

He was not selfish and it would be not fair to let him die as a fine for Mathias' sins. To bare them.

The Dane regognized that the others chest was rising and falling fast - much too fast. He started running.

To his luck he knew the landscape very well and did not get lost on their way home.

But it was getting worse.

He could feel the hearbeat getting lower and the skind of he face that leaned against his shoulder getting colder.

Faster. Faster. He could see their house now - it was not more than two miles away. Faster.

Lukas was too quiet but he still smiled. That was what made Mathias cry again.

"No, no, no, don't die on me!", he begged and his voice forced Lukas to open his eyes again. "Please."

He could not stop the tears, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he tried to smile in order to make Lukas feel safe. This lost would kill him too. It would kill his heart and soul. 

"Jeg elsker dig.", he whispered.

Before it was too late. He had to say it. No matter if it sounded strange. No matter if it was supposed to be like that or not. No matter if he would ge a rebuke.

He needed him to know.

While he was fully running he heard Lukas voice.

It seemed to be far away and full of pain for it was quiet and broken. It was not easy to understand what he was saying, because the words came slowly and clipped. 

"..Je...g....elsker...de...g...", just a whisper in norwegian but their languages had only small differences.

Even so, Mathias knew exactly the meaning of these words also he had not expected to hear them.

Although he had longed for this phrase since he had come to know him.

"Lukas...", he said softly, finally reaching the house. He did not now wheter he should smile or cry. 

He could not lose him.

The door crashed open but it was all the same to him whether he destroyed it or not.
He stormed inside and put Lukas carefully down on the couch. "Wait for a second.", he said and went to the kitchen.
When he came back, with the medical supplies and a bottle of beer, Lukas looked up to him. His wound had started bleeding again and he had both of his hands pressed on it. Mathias sat next to him, worries in his blue eyes and gently took the others hands away from wound. "It'll be alright.", he promised and started do clean and bandage it properly. But it did not work like he wanted it. It was like they had hit a main artery. It did not stop bleeding no matter what he tried.

And although Lukas tried to hide it, he was wincing and pressing his teeth together. To see him like that nearly broke Mathias. But he could not give up on him. And Lukas could, after all, also not give up. It seemed clear that he was fighting. He really did. However he did fight alone and because of that Mathias felt more helpless like ever.
"Do you want anything?", he asked him, never turning away his gaze from those feverish shimmering eyes. He only wished he could support him in his struggle. He did not want him to lose this fight.
Mathias, of course, did not have a clue that he was already helping Lukas. He was the last thing the young man held on too. It was their shared memories and the fact that he was by his side.

Lukas' lips turned into a small smile. A request? He felt somehow like this could be his last…
"…Ky…sse…", he managed to say it although his voice was shacking. He had lost far too much energy but that was not the only reason. Love. Sadness. Fear. All of them played their part.
Mathias smiled softly. "Seemed to end like a fairy tale, right?", he chuckled, leaned down to him.
"Jeg elsker dig."
Lukas was surprised how innocent and tender the pressure of Mathias' warm lips felt against his own. He returned it, wondering if Mathias was that warm or if he himself started to get more and colder. Lukas had closed his eyes and so he just felt the touch of Mathias' hand on his cheek. He was so warm that the air around him seemed so much colder in contrast to him. Lukas started to shiver. "It…'s…c-c…old…", he breathed and he could hear that his love was crying again. He forced himself to open his eyes although his eyelids were so, so heavy. It was painful to keep his eyes open.
His gaze met the tear streamed face of Mathias, those heaven blue eyes that shimmered in fear. "Don't go.", he said and pulled him from his place into his arms, cradling him against his chest. "Don't leave." Lukas buried his head in the other ones shoulder. This warmth was so conforming. Calming. "…'nt…cry…Kjær…ligh…et.", his voice was barely audible. "Jeg…elsker…deg, Math…ias…"
One and only.
His one and only.
His smile did not faint.
He was somehow happy.

Lukas closed his eyes.

"Lukas?", Mathias asked, his voice trembling from the emotions. He cupped the fine face with his hands and turned it up to him. Why was he so silent? So pale – so…so cold?! "Lukas!", he repeated, the despair made his voice louder. The tears did not stop. They were constantly streaming.
"No…No!", he cried, shacking him softly. But there was no response. "Don't…don't…please…", his voice was getting lower and lower. He leaned down and brushed the still lightly rosy lips with his own. There was no breath. Mathias shut his eyes, cradled him closer to him.
No heartbeat. He started to sob uncontrollably. "Lukas…"

His heart died with him.
His love.
His paradise disappeared.
His life.
His light left the world.
His smile, his laugh, his everything.

What happened to us?

Brother, my Brother

Remember the time when i hold you tight?

You still wear the scarf i gave to you

 Do you still know what it means?

Do you...remember me?

I remember a time when i was unafraid

When we was so tiny and small

I remember it as great

Could you hear my call?

What happened to us?
I'm afraid you'll repeat history

'Cause i still remember Liets screams

When Poland disapperad from this world

What happened to us?
You broke my heart and stole its pieces.

You tear me down like you did with him.

You destroy my unity

What happened to us?
I did not want to hurt you

But you don't care if you do

That's why i needed new allies

Can't you understand?

Europa

Fortune Goddess

Why is destiny so cruel?

Why is destiny so harsh?

Europa

I beg you

Save me from him

Save him from hisself

I just wanna live like yesterday

I just wanna hold your hand

I just wanna laugh with you

I just wanted to tell you

That i love you

No matter what you do to me

No matter whose my new ally

You're still...brother

In the sky

Shining above

The night is falling

Darkness approachs

Wind is howling

The clouds above

With hiding lights

Are you alone?

A whisper through darkness

You're not, you know?
A whisper in the dark

I'll rip the clouds

The moon above

The stars

Relay on me

They're shining

Through my heart

In the bamboo woods

Never alone again

It was dark in the high bamboo woods. 

The sun had sunk more than three hours ago and the night was without the shine of the moon and the stars.

The animals that lived here had gone to sleep and the only ones outsides were the creatures of night - some bats and a lonely leopard with shining eyes could be seen.

A little girl sat there out in the darkness although it was not at all a place for a child like her.

She wore a light pink dress with a few flowers on it and her brown eyes seemed a little angsty.

Her hair was a mess from the wandering in this unfamiliar place and she sat in the corner of four trees, her little head propped with her hands. It was not that cold out there but it was also not really warm and because the girl knew the climate of her tropical island, she shivered.

Her knees were pulled close to her petite body and her gaze flew from left to right and back to the left side.

She was afraid of the wild animals for she was only used to some birds and little kittens. But the bats did not sing. They only fluttered and screamed with a high voice. Their little bodies were in a massive swarm that casted huge shadows and it was their movements that scared the little girls like hell.

From now to then she let out a wince and wrapped her arms more tigh to her chest.

When a black silhouette appeared right in front of the just four years old girl the child let out a low and terrified scream.

"Na, what's with you, little one?", a soft voice asked before kneeling on the ground and looking closer at the girl. She recoiled immediatly, staring at him with frightened eyes but in the moment she met the dark brown, friendly eyes of the young men she bursted into tears.

A warm hand reached for her and those soft eyes became even more tender. "Hush, hush."
For China it was nothing new to meet young nations like Taiwan all on their own in the old bamboo woods. It was like they were simply dropped there by some unknown might.

He had adopt the little Japan just a few years ago - oh he wished that the boy did not made anything worse now. Japan was an adorable and good child, of course, but he was also a little bit selfish and did not really take care of his feelings.

But the girl there was a lot younger than Japan back then and her tears made him weak.

He wrapped his arms careful around her so she could free herself if she wanted to. Then he waited for her rebuke but she just sobbed into his shoulder.

A empathic smile appeared on Chinas lips and he stroke the petite back of the infant. 

"You're safe, little one.", he promised and held her a armlenght away from him so that he could look into her troubled eyes."I'll protect you. Alright?", he asked. The girl nodded and yawned.

That made the boy laugh. "Pretty tired?", he pulled her close back again and cradled her.

 In his native language, mandarin, he sung a small lullaby for her, known as the northeastern cradle song:

"The moon is bright, the wind is quiet,

The tree leaves hang over the window,

My little baby, go to sleep quickly...", he continued although the girl was pretty much asleep back then.

Chairly he brought her out of the forests into his house and looked out for Japan.

The boy laid down on the Futon-bed and held in his arm the panda-toy he had given to him a month ago. When he slept he could look so very innocent and cute that the older one wanted to pull him close but he did not want to disturb him. So he laid the small girl down, next to the boy and sat himself to them.

He gazed at the kids and took the girl back into his arms, stroke her hair and leaned himself back against the wall. In his sleep, Japan seemed to realize that his 'brother' was back there and unconsciously he crawled to him. Chinas smile was getting a bit brighter and he let the boy come closer, knowing that Japan would damn himself when he woked up in the morning like that.

China allowed to close his eyes when he had straightened out her dark hair.

"I love you...little ones.", he smiled and sank into the warm embrace of dreams.

A few decades later, for the nation it was nothing more to feel like two or three years, Taiwan playes with her three 'brothers' and her 'sister' Vietnam, on her island. The other girl, not really older than she was, had painted a tiger mask on the small face of the island girl.

The sun was shining bright while the boys, Japan, Honk Kong and Korea, build towers of sand and stone on the beach. China was sitting under the shadows of the palms, his panda sat behind him. He had his flute in his hands and brought it sometimes on his lips to play for them.

Taiwan and Vietnam were in the little forest not five meters away from his adoptive father and grinned her theets.
At the next moment they jumped at China, hissed in joy when the men flinched for a second.

"Girls!", he chuckled and caught them into an embrace. "Let go!", they laughed but enjoyed the closeness with him. Because of him these childs were not alone.

He rescued them.

Saved them from the dark of that lonely bamboo woods.

The flower island

Island girl

She was sitting outside, barely in sight of their house. The older boy was like her big brother, or maybe a father for she knew him for all her life. He had found her a long, long time ago in the bamboo woods. She had been there all on her own, alone with the trees around her and the light shining through the little green leafs.

The girl was thankful, yes, she truely was. She blinked in the warm and friendly light that shone from the sky and smiled while remembering the time when China simply hold her in his arm, sung a sweet lullaby for her and waited until she was asleep. Japan had laid next to her, on that time.

With this thought a sigh escaped her soft, heart-shaped lips and her fingertips stroke the stone underneath her. Japan had not liked China all the time, but this was a fact no one did ever realised.

Neither she nor Vietnam or Korea or Hong Kong or or or... No one could see behind the mask of that boy. She had loved him once and still, she loved him like a sister does.

But she could not understand why he was fighting the one who raised them all. Who protected them with his life and who held his hand above them, wipped the tears away when the young nations fell down.

Slowly she stood up and walked along the path that lead to the ocean of her island. 

She was glad that China liked to visit her often but at this moment he was not beside her.
She did not worry about him for he was a strong and wealthy nation or maybe he just played this role to calm her. She did not realised that at all.

The sun had rised only a hour ago and she loved the way the sunlight reflected itself in the blue water. Partially the water shone turquoise and she could see the colorful fishes. She knelt on the edge of the wooden path and looked at her reflection. 

The flower in her hair, a pink lily, sparkeld in the light and her brown hair flow over her slender shoulders. The darkbrown eyes that remembered the elder ones at chocolate seemed not worried at all.

She was calm. She was happy. She was beautiful in her own special way although she did not knew that. 

Some cats, her little friends sneaked to her and cuddled themself at her. The island girl laid herself down on the warm wood pallets and cradled the kittens inside her arms.

A little, laughter faded in the air as the pets licked her cheeks and she kissed the top of the nose of the littlest. The grey kitten was her favourite one and she loved it a bit more than the others.

A shadow apperaded behind her, she did not noticed. She was still too innocent and a piece far too naive to see that the sky was getting darker and not until the kitten winced she regognized that something was wrong.

The birds did not sung anymore - but it was not silent at all.

Were there planes on the sky? She looked up but on this moment the sky was clear again, and there were no military machines, there was no sound of war. Was she hallucinating? 

Taiwan looked aroung - the kitten were gone. "Lucky?", she called out quietly and stood up.

She stroke her hair back and walked the path back to the house, in search of her cats.

When she entered the house everything was quiet.

Of course, she thought, China had left yesterday in the everning - for a meeting with Japan. And Vietnam would come tomorrow like she promised. The only one who would visit her today was Korea.

The girl took a look on the calender. 

It was the seventeenth April 1895. 

She entered the living room - a very open space with windows at three of the walls. She could see the sunrise and the sunset everyday, could take a look at the stars while lying on the couch or taking a teabreak in the afternoon.
The room laid quiet but the glass of the windows were clouded and there was a silhouette in the right corner.

"Taiwan.", the voice sounded weak and beaten and it clinched her heart to hear this familiar voice.

"China?", she asked and stepped forwards, sank to her knees and looked at the young men. "Don't.", he raised his red hand and she could see the blood on it and all over his body.

"Are you...alright?", she asked softly and reached for her white handkerchief. Gently she tooked his hand into her own and bandaged it. Chinas dark, normally brown and green, now nearly black eyes were widen in horror. "Run.", he whispered and she laid her head on the right sight, her eyes were asking her big brother. What did he mean by that?
"I am...so terribly sorry...", the older one lifted his bandaged hand to her cheek and this touch brought tears in her eyes. "Why?", she took his shoulders and tried to lift him up but he was to heavy for her.

Then, suddenly, he pushed her away and that made the tears flow.

"Big brother...", she whispered and stiffened when two arms wrapped themselfs around her waist. "...what?"

"Hello, Sis.", a tender but dark voice whispered next to her ear. "Japan.", she said, her voice sounded neutral for she did not really knew if she should be afraid. Of course she should be.

Japan was the only one who would dare to mangle China like that. And his grip was tigh like he would never let go of her.
Taiwan searched for the gaze of China in which she founded so much guilt that she could not bare it.

"I am sorry.", the long haired man repeated. "You...have to go with Japan."

"What? Why?", she asked in panic. 

"That's the price for the peace.", Japan said with a 

low voice and pulled her even closer.

She tried to free herself and for that she received a bite in her neck that made her winced in pain and made China look away immediatly. 

In defeat she brought her hands to her face and buried it inside it. 

The sky outside was getting darker as she started to sob.

It was the seventeenth April eighteen hundred ninety-five. Japan occupied Taiwan in the Treaty of Shimonoseki after winning the Sino-Japanese war.

So finally - That's me

First of all, 
let me apologize for this long periode of silence between us.
So, to explain, i was, or i am, in stress and very busy at this time.
It's nice on the new school, but i have to work a lot - 
but i took the time, now, at spring holidays to make a short description about me 
(a few of you liked to knew a little bit more about me, 
if you do not want to, just read my short story for today and do not scroll down this page).

Cherry blossom

She took a few steps forward and laid her head in her neck.

The orange shimmer of the golden, setting sun warmed her pale skin, and her brown eyes looked into the light pink sky. On the horizon, the rainbowcolours filled the heaven in a slowly way and a soft wind was moving the air. A few bird flew around, sung a little, cheerful melody, but they were getting more and more lower. The night was falling, but it was going to be a bright, warm night.

She simply knew it.

The stones under her bare feet were warm, they was filled by the going heat of the sun and the air tasted sweet like a cherry blossom. She leaned herself against the wall of stone and flowers and dipped her toes into the little brook. The water was clear and cool and it shone in the moonlight.

She did not know how long she was sitting there, remembering the events of the day.

The laughter that echoed through the garden, the smiles the others granted her.

The jokes, the surprises that moved her heart and her lips in the same way and the sweet cakes that posessed the taste of the rainbow inside a case of starlight. In truth there were just the taste of her national cake - sugered pineapplepaste.

The kimono she wore was as old as she but it still was clean - a soft rose underground with pink flowers at the top, a white, long shirt - with golden details. It was not so special but it was like her.

She remembered a time when she was little, a time she played with the others like she did today, but also, a time when her kimono was bloodstained and her dark eyes filled with tears.

Yes, Taiwan was not a young nation but althoug she was not that old, her mind was filled with memories.

The girl was like the island, cheerful and beautiful and had a little bit weakness and melancholy between her joyful spirit. She was often cold when she visit the others in the north but she liked these Europeans.

When she was with them, she could let go. She could be herself and she simply loved that feelings the others emitted - they were honest. She was not in that argument, in that fight anymore - the fight about to how she belonged.

The girl opened her eyes again and looked up to the stars.

She had just one whish.

Independence.

A few facts

My name is Luisa, most of the people just call me Lulu, so this name is also okay.

I am now seventeen years old, in high school and a dancer for many years.

My hobbies are dancing, writing, a little bit of singing (mainly when I'm alone) and drawing.
I also like to read books, fantasy and espacially history-books and mangas - I am a cosplayer too, if you want to know this.

I do not want to tell you a lot about my personal background, but to make it short, i have endured some things in my life. No big drama and nothing to make a pushed catastrophe out of it but it was not nice what some people have done to me. Most of all, i write to erase the pain or to share very nice feelings with you - the next few post will proof this fact.

This website is just for fun, to share my thoughts about some things, to share my poetry, my prosa, to express my fantasy-filled mind.

I'll be unbreakable

Good evening, dear ones!

By the way, next post will be my 100th.s 
For next time i promise you to write you something more creative than my little dream-poem under the picture.
The weather didn't mean it good to me today, all stormy and rainy and i, i had forgotten my umbrella.

What a pity!
Yesterday the weather stormy, cold, but sunny at least.

A beautiful start of this years autumn.

I had a busy, busy week, you too?

Schools is getting harder, now, in the eleventh grade.
And longer. Am I the only one that has no fun with it anymore?
I guess that i am not.

But we will make it through! It's not long anymore!

Only two weeks till vacation :) So keep holding on.

I mean, we will have freetime and i will write a few poems, draw a few pictures, play a little music and make party!
And i will start to plan my birthday-party, 'cause that's important too!

Sometimes i escape

Escape into my dreams

It's my method to come down

I can be still, i can be loud,
It's all okay, i am not at home,

It's okay, 'cause i am free

The air is rushing there

To the sound of the sea,

I believe that i am free

I come back in reality

I come back,

for you and me

I am strong now,

i am free,

I believe that we'll

unbreakable

And one question at last - Do more of you wish to know a little more about me? 

This is - umm...- halloween ?!

I have to say, that i love the autumn in all of it's ways:

The sky is getting lighter,
The wind is getting rougher,
The world is getting more colorful,
Even though the darkness falls in

It's the time to get out all of those pretty cardigans, knitted coats, long trousers and scarfs.
Because with the rushing wind the air is cold and we don't want to get sick, do we?
The season begins anew, i mean the party-season, of course!
So what's with planning a little party for Halloween?
Nothings cooler than a little costume-party, don't you think?
So let's think about that...

My brother and i, we made a grinning pumpkin, you can see it on the picture, and i, also, write a little poem about it and the meaning of Halloween, inspirited by the Nightmare before Christmas (you have to watch this movie!)

Dark and Scary,

Creepy and Weird,

A grin thats really horrifying

The house on the hill,

It seems to laugh,

It seems to has an own will

A pumpkin head,

A shiver brings,

Skeletons, skeletons

Witches screams,

it's time, it's time,

time to pass the guarding line

Trick and Treat

Let's play

this little game

We found it - the way out of the labyrinth

Back again!

Oh my! It's October, isn't it?I'm terrible sorry, guys, for being away for such a long time.

Two months :/
But i was completely lost in planing my new start in my new school...Now vacations are over for nearly a month and i still was to busy to write a poem or something for you. Today i have also only a little one for you, sorry for that!

But there is one thing, that i have to tell you:
I have finally found a way out of my labyrinth of suffering!
Yeah, there a many ways to suffer and i told you about a few ways, my ways, didn't I?
My biggest suffering was the loneliness and that i always felt like an unwanted guest on the big party called life. 

So my way out of the labyrinth...I will describe you this way.

Right, left? Where should i go?
All of these corners, they confusing me so.

The darkness around me is quite sharp

It's a loneliness that wounds my heart.

Where is my light?
Have i lost it?
Where are my companions?
Have they left me?
What is my goal?
I don't know.

Give me your hand.

Give me a smile.

Give me a laugh.

Give me a tear, a shout, a cry.

Share those things with me,

no matter if good or bad.

Because you share

Not only your hand

Not only your smile

Not only your laugh

Not only your cry

You share your light

It's becoming also my guide

Out of this labyrinth

That's why

These are my reasons

With tears in my eyes i made my way away from the campus.

My hands were clenched to fists and i stared straight forwards. I did not look back. 
It was only twelve a clock on this friday and i had two classes left but i could not take it anymore.

I was not strong enough to take it anymore. 
I was to weak, to weak to fight this tears.

From the left side of my chest radiated an indescribable pain trough my whole body.
I was just about to falling onto my knees, but i was not that far from the school grounds...Not that they was about to follow me, no they were in their classes too so how could they?
With my left hand i touched this spot of my head where someone in my last class hit me with the paperback-version of an encyclopedia. I had no clue who it was but that did not matter. Maybe it was an inadvertence...Maybe not. It did not matter.
The way they looked at me told me everything, nearly everything.
When i sat there alone during the lunch with everyone around me chatting and laughing...It was hard.
I could have turned away from all of them but i did not.
I thought that i have had friends, i thought that i would have belonged to them but i did not. 
Wednesday was that day when i realized that i was nothing to them.

I meant nothing to them. Of course one or two tried to tell me that i was wrong thinking so but they lied. 
I knew that deep in my heart and it did not matter that they thought i was mad right now.

I had to leave. It was the only chance i had.
But it hurt. It hurt so much in my heart that it nearly killed me.
That it was about to let me break into thousand pieces. 
They knew that i would leave them. Nearly all of them knew that i would not be there after the holidays. 
That i would never come back, that i would never talk with them anymore, that i would ignore them when we met in the city like the ignored me when i was with them...But that did not matter to them. 
In some ways that was quiet okay, i guess, because if they would be sad about it or something like that, my decision would have been wrong, wouldn't it?

But it hurt. I had to wipe my tears away which had found their ways down my cheeks and onto the ground. 
I cried, because i lived in a dream-world for so long. In a dream-world that had fallen apart years ago.
My heart, my soul, my mind, everything that had craved for their acceptance, their smiles, their smalltalks... 
I was fallen apart to and i had to stop it. There was no other way.
When i would go on living like this i am sure i would die during the next year.
Some of them said my decision was about making me feeling worse than now but it could not be true...They also said that this problems was about myself and it would never be better on this other school...
That statement truly broke my heart. Did they hate me?
I don't know...I really don't know. 
I was bullied. I realized it through the last year. 
And now, now i was running away. This was the only true thing they told me.
I was running away from my crashed soul.
I was running away to start a new life, a life without them, without their mockery, their backbiting...
I was running away to be a better human.

Breaking down

Why?

The rain was pouring from the dark, gray sky while the both girls were standing in front of each other.

Their clothes were already soaked with the water and their hairs were tousled by the stormy wind.

There were no sounds except the howling of the wind and the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops when they hit the hard ground.

The taller one, a blond, blue-eyed girl looked directly to the other girl, which had red hairs and strange gray eyes, but she was not able to catch her gaze because the red-haired girl was looking on the dirt below.

They did not move but if there had been a stranger, he also would have realized the tension in the air.
Minaya new that something was wrong because the blond girl was not supposed to be here.
She did not fit into the Rain-Country.
No, her former best friend was from the Sand-Village, a place with no rain but that was not the only thing that was wrong in here...

She could not look into this blue eyes.

Maybe now they had turned into red ones like then when she was angry with her or anyone else.

Maybe they were red like the last time they had seen each other. 

When their friendship ended because of the monster, the demon that was caged inside her.

"Minaya.", the addressed shivered by the icy tone of her voice.
It was like she was now forced to raise her eyes so their gazes met.

What she saw next let her shivered even more because the girl had pull out her longsword and held it so that the top of it was pointing on Minayas chest. 

She felt tears welling into her eyes but as she cried it only looked like the rain would stream down her face.
"Yuri...", she whispered and was shocked about how weak her own voice sounded.

Her small hands clenched into fists and she pressed them against her hip to fight against the tears and the shakiness. But it failed.

Yurika continued with staring at her but her eyes were still blue.

They were colder and emotionless than they used to be. This was not the Yuri that Minaya knew all those years, not the Yuri she whised her to be.

In those blue eyes laid those feelings she always saw by nearly everyone.
Hate. Hate and fear.

"Why...?", she asked, trying to let her voice sound more strong but could not prevent that all this pain found a way into the tone of her voice. "Why, Yuri?"

"You're a monster.", the blond girl hissed, her voice soaked with hate and anger like her dress was soaked with water and clasped her sword a little tighter. "You're a danger for everyone."

Minayas eyes widen although it was not the first time for her to hear those words.

But they were different now because now they came from her best friend.
From the only one she believed in, the only one she trusted...
Although they were now parted from each other. 

She felt the hot tears streaming down her face, more quickly and intensive now and shock her head.

"But...But Yuri...You...You...", she could not finish this sentence.

She gasped for breath while she felt that her heart broke once again.
It did it so many times but now the pain was also physically and not just psychically... 

"No.", in this moment the blue eyes of Yurika turned into red and she fixed Minaya with them like a hunter focused a rabbit. 

"But...You were like a sister to me. You are.", she whimpered while a memory flickered in front of her eyes.

'I know what it feels like.', a soft voice said while a hand reached out for her own.
'What do you mean?', she asked.

'I know their gazes. I know their words. They also hit me with them.', the blonde explained and her blue eyes turned sad for a little moment. 

'Eh?', Minaya asked while she stared at the other girls hand, still struggling with herself whether she should take it or not. 'But you are the best in class and all of the others...simply love you.', she said with a little jealousy mixed in the admiration she tended for her.

Yurika tried to catch the gaze of the younger girl.
'I could not control it then, you know?', she said.
Minaya seemed surprised but a moment later she sighed. 'But now you can. I can not control it. I just don't know how i should learn it.', she meant helplessly. 

'Hey, buck up!', the taller girl said and her voice sounded friendly and warm while she nudged her. Minaya looked up to let her strange grey eyes meet the strange red eyes and laughed quietly.

'Thank you, Yurika.', she smiled one of her rarely smiles at her.

'You don't have to thank me.', Yurika said. 'And call me Yuri, okay?'
'Okay.'

They had become comrades then, in a team with a tall, brown-haired boy named Mitsuro and their teacher, a blond, tall and big person named Rikudo. She learned to trust, first just Yuri and then the other ones. She learned to fight together with them, to defend them, to give her life for them.

She was also able to control her powers more but then...Then they caught this damn demon inside her.

She shook her head, no, she was not allowed to talk so about Nibi. It was now the only comrade she had left. They were one team now she learned how to control it, how to work together with it.

Yurika took a step forward and raised her weapon above her head. 

"You mean nothing to me anymore!", she yelled and shut down her sword at Minayas chest. "So die!"

"NO!", Minaya screamed while covering her head with her arms and staring at her former friend.

She expected the stinging pain but instead her field of view turned white.

Yurika stood still, her sword just inches away form Minayas arms, her eyes widened in horror and pain. Then she fell on her knees, unhand her weapon and drop on the ground.

"What...", she whispered weakly.

Minaya came to herself again and blinked the tears away. 

Than she froze. 

"Yuri!", she said and ran towards her put was stopped by a invisible wall.
"Don't touch me, you demon!", Yurika sat up and stared at her with pure hate. 

"You deserve to die.", she hissed and stood up slowly. Her breath turned normal again and she picked up the sword next to her. "You're weak and can't control your powers. You're danger", her voice sounded icy but a little softer. Nearly to soft.

It hurt.

Minaya sobbed quietly and closed her eyes as the girl attacked her again.

Maybe she was right. Maybe she deserved the death and all this.

Maybe the world would be a better place without her...

Maybe she was right, because it was true that Minaya was weak.
She did not even managed to find her elder brother...So maybe the death was a good opinion now.

She heard the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops. She heard the howling of the wind. 

The fast steps of Yuri running towards her to make her an end.

The sound of the sword cut the air and then a strange, clinging sound...

Minaya slowly opened her eyes and saw a person in black clothes which stopped Yuris sword with another swordlike weapon. The man had red hairs and although she could not see his face, she was able to see the necklace that was twisted at his neck.

On the chain was a half-heart-shaped white pendant. 

"Who are you?", she and Yurika asked at the same time, Minayas voice dominated by surprise and expectation, Yuris voice soaked by surprise and anger. "Why are you defending her?", Yurika added. 

But Nagato was not a man of many words, especially not than, when he was saving his younger sister.

I want to be a golden star

New ways

She leaned her head against the cold window glass and stared out into the darkness.

The sky was full of clouds but they seemed to be nothing in contrast to the clouds around her heart.

She was sedated in some ways. She was hopeless. She was nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. This word echoed in her head, again and again.

She wanted to scream and she wanted to cry but...she could not...

The girl banged her right fist at the glass, but she was not able to break it and she could not feel the pain.

There was no pain anymore.

She was numb. So numb...

She was not angry with herself. She had no emotions left. She had nothing.

She was nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

It could not go on like this. It would tear her heart apart. It did it right now. 

Her family. Her kingdom. Her faith. Her destiny. 

This night. This clouds...

Her knees got weak and she fell on the hard ground, her fists beat the tiles.
Again and again.

No pain. No ache.
Just grief.
There were no tears left. They had fallen a long time ago. 

No tears. No screams.
Just scars.

Scars on her body, scars on her heart and wounds that did not want to heal.

Slowly she lifted herself up, with her hands against the wall. Slowly she opened the window.

Breathed in the frigid night air.

She searched for a new hope on the sky. She searched for stars but there was not one left.

She just saw gray clouds. Not even the moon shone.
Nothing. 

No. No she was not allowed to think like this. 

She had to looked forward.

But how? It is hopeless.

She swallowed the coming tears for the first moments but then a little smile appeared on her face.

Now that she could not even see a light, a spark of hope, she could feel all the grief hurting her.

But this pain gave her a new intention.

Because when there was no hope left, no light, no moon, not even a star, than there was only one way to go.

She had to become a star.

A light. A spark of hope.

There was no question how she could turn into such a pretty, shining light.

Because there was no answer.

It was just this notion that meant everything.

The clouds around her heart thinned. It was a sluggish process but she smiled.

Smiled while she ran into her room, took care that no one would recognize what she planned.

Yes, this house was hopeless.

And yeah, her family was cruel in some ways

And oh, her 'friends' were awful and her schoolmates - she did not want to thing about them.

And yes, this country was cursed, but it was her home and she truly wanted to safe it.

Although she had to safe herself first.

And the only way to do this, now that she could clearly feel all the hurting burden on her heart, all this old scars that were bleeding wounds in her mind, was the way out of this country.

She did not know where to go when she packed her things, a little bag with all of things she could need. 

With a sigh she looked at her bracelet.
She knew that she would never be free when she wore it but...When she would take it off now everybody would realize that she wanted to run away.

But would they care?
Oh yes. They would. She was their little puppet.
Something to play with. Something to have fun with. They needed her.

She shook her head.

No more depressive thoughts now, she told herself.
You want to be a golden star, this thought went trough her head.

"I want to be hope.", she whispered when she pushed her room window open and climbed on the windowsill. Her right hand touched the necklace she wore all the time for a short moment.

The crystal was still there. She could not leave it here. She needed its power.

Then she took a deep breath and looked on the gray night sky while she jumped.

Before she could hit the ground - her room was on the second floor - a golden light surrounded her and let her down gently. She smiled slightly before she looked around her once again. 

There were no guards in the garden.

There was no one here except her. 

She would leave this place. 

This decision freed her heart, her head, her soul.

This would be a new beginning.
This would be a change for her. 

This would be the beginning of a new era.

She was sure.