I'll be unbreakable

Good evening, dear ones!

By the way, next post will be my 100th.s 
For next time i promise you to write you something more creative than my little dream-poem under the picture.
The weather didn't mean it good to me today, all stormy and rainy and i, i had forgotten my umbrella.

What a pity!
Yesterday the weather stormy, cold, but sunny at least.

A beautiful start of this years autumn.

I had a busy, busy week, you too?

Schools is getting harder, now, in the eleventh grade.
And longer. Am I the only one that has no fun with it anymore?
I guess that i am not.

But we will make it through! It's not long anymore!

Only two weeks till vacation :) So keep holding on.

I mean, we will have freetime and i will write a few poems, draw a few pictures, play a little music and make party!
And i will start to plan my birthday-party, 'cause that's important too!

Sometimes i escape

Escape into my dreams

It's my method to come down

I can be still, i can be loud,
It's all okay, i am not at home,

It's okay, 'cause i am free

The air is rushing there

To the sound of the sea,

I believe that i am free

I come back in reality

I come back,

for you and me

I am strong now,

i am free,

I believe that we'll

unbreakable

And one question at last - Do more of you wish to know a little more about me? 

This is - umm...- halloween ?!

I have to say, that i love the autumn in all of it's ways:

The sky is getting lighter,
The wind is getting rougher,
The world is getting more colorful,
Even though the darkness falls in

It's the time to get out all of those pretty cardigans, knitted coats, long trousers and scarfs.
Because with the rushing wind the air is cold and we don't want to get sick, do we?
The season begins anew, i mean the party-season, of course!
So what's with planning a little party for Halloween?
Nothings cooler than a little costume-party, don't you think?
So let's think about that...

My brother and i, we made a grinning pumpkin, you can see it on the picture, and i, also, write a little poem about it and the meaning of Halloween, inspirited by the Nightmare before Christmas (you have to watch this movie!)

Dark and Scary,

Creepy and Weird,

A grin thats really horrifying

The house on the hill,

It seems to laugh,

It seems to has an own will

A pumpkin head,

A shiver brings,

Skeletons, skeletons

Witches screams,

it's time, it's time,

time to pass the guarding line

Trick and Treat

Let's play

this little game

We found it - the way out of the labyrinth

Back again!

Oh my! It's October, isn't it?I'm terrible sorry, guys, for being away for such a long time.

Two months :/
But i was completely lost in planing my new start in my new school...Now vacations are over for nearly a month and i still was to busy to write a poem or something for you. Today i have also only a little one for you, sorry for that!

But there is one thing, that i have to tell you:
I have finally found a way out of my labyrinth of suffering!
Yeah, there a many ways to suffer and i told you about a few ways, my ways, didn't I?
My biggest suffering was the loneliness and that i always felt like an unwanted guest on the big party called life. 

So my way out of the labyrinth...I will describe you this way.

Right, left? Where should i go?
All of these corners, they confusing me so.

The darkness around me is quite sharp

It's a loneliness that wounds my heart.

Where is my light?
Have i lost it?
Where are my companions?
Have they left me?
What is my goal?
I don't know.

Give me your hand.

Give me a smile.

Give me a laugh.

Give me a tear, a shout, a cry.

Share those things with me,

no matter if good or bad.

Because you share

Not only your hand

Not only your smile

Not only your laugh

Not only your cry

You share your light

It's becoming also my guide

Out of this labyrinth

That's why

These are my reasons

With tears in my eyes i made my way away from the campus.

My hands were clenched to fists and i stared straight forwards. I did not look back. 
It was only twelve a clock on this friday and i had two classes left but i could not take it anymore.

I was not strong enough to take it anymore. 
I was to weak, to weak to fight this tears.

From the left side of my chest radiated an indescribable pain trough my whole body.
I was just about to falling onto my knees, but i was not that far from the school grounds...Not that they was about to follow me, no they were in their classes too so how could they?
With my left hand i touched this spot of my head where someone in my last class hit me with the paperback-version of an encyclopedia. I had no clue who it was but that did not matter. Maybe it was an inadvertence...Maybe not. It did not matter.
The way they looked at me told me everything, nearly everything.
When i sat there alone during the lunch with everyone around me chatting and laughing...It was hard.
I could have turned away from all of them but i did not.
I thought that i have had friends, i thought that i would have belonged to them but i did not. 
Wednesday was that day when i realized that i was nothing to them.

I meant nothing to them. Of course one or two tried to tell me that i was wrong thinking so but they lied. 
I knew that deep in my heart and it did not matter that they thought i was mad right now.

I had to leave. It was the only chance i had.
But it hurt. It hurt so much in my heart that it nearly killed me.
That it was about to let me break into thousand pieces. 
They knew that i would leave them. Nearly all of them knew that i would not be there after the holidays. 
That i would never come back, that i would never talk with them anymore, that i would ignore them when we met in the city like the ignored me when i was with them...But that did not matter to them. 
In some ways that was quiet okay, i guess, because if they would be sad about it or something like that, my decision would have been wrong, wouldn't it?

But it hurt. I had to wipe my tears away which had found their ways down my cheeks and onto the ground. 
I cried, because i lived in a dream-world for so long. In a dream-world that had fallen apart years ago.
My heart, my soul, my mind, everything that had craved for their acceptance, their smiles, their smalltalks... 
I was fallen apart to and i had to stop it. There was no other way.
When i would go on living like this i am sure i would die during the next year.
Some of them said my decision was about making me feeling worse than now but it could not be true...They also said that this problems was about myself and it would never be better on this other school...
That statement truly broke my heart. Did they hate me?
I don't know...I really don't know. 
I was bullied. I realized it through the last year. 
And now, now i was running away. This was the only true thing they told me.
I was running away from my crashed soul.
I was running away to start a new life, a life without them, without their mockery, their backbiting...
I was running away to be a better human.

Breaking down

Why?

The rain was pouring from the dark, gray sky while the both girls were standing in front of each other.

Their clothes were already soaked with the water and their hairs were tousled by the stormy wind.

There were no sounds except the howling of the wind and the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops when they hit the hard ground.

The taller one, a blond, blue-eyed girl looked directly to the other girl, which had red hairs and strange gray eyes, but she was not able to catch her gaze because the red-haired girl was looking on the dirt below.

They did not move but if there had been a stranger, he also would have realized the tension in the air.
Minaya new that something was wrong because the blond girl was not supposed to be here.
She did not fit into the Rain-Country.
No, her former best friend was from the Sand-Village, a place with no rain but that was not the only thing that was wrong in here...

She could not look into this blue eyes.

Maybe now they had turned into red ones like then when she was angry with her or anyone else.

Maybe they were red like the last time they had seen each other. 

When their friendship ended because of the monster, the demon that was caged inside her.

"Minaya.", the addressed shivered by the icy tone of her voice.
It was like she was now forced to raise her eyes so their gazes met.

What she saw next let her shivered even more because the girl had pull out her longsword and held it so that the top of it was pointing on Minayas chest. 

She felt tears welling into her eyes but as she cried it only looked like the rain would stream down her face.
"Yuri...", she whispered and was shocked about how weak her own voice sounded.

Her small hands clenched into fists and she pressed them against her hip to fight against the tears and the shakiness. But it failed.

Yurika continued with staring at her but her eyes were still blue.

They were colder and emotionless than they used to be. This was not the Yuri that Minaya knew all those years, not the Yuri she whised her to be.

In those blue eyes laid those feelings she always saw by nearly everyone.
Hate. Hate and fear.

"Why...?", she asked, trying to let her voice sound more strong but could not prevent that all this pain found a way into the tone of her voice. "Why, Yuri?"

"You're a monster.", the blond girl hissed, her voice soaked with hate and anger like her dress was soaked with water and clasped her sword a little tighter. "You're a danger for everyone."

Minayas eyes widen although it was not the first time for her to hear those words.

But they were different now because now they came from her best friend.
From the only one she believed in, the only one she trusted...
Although they were now parted from each other. 

She felt the hot tears streaming down her face, more quickly and intensive now and shock her head.

"But...But Yuri...You...You...", she could not finish this sentence.

She gasped for breath while she felt that her heart broke once again.
It did it so many times but now the pain was also physically and not just psychically... 

"No.", in this moment the blue eyes of Yurika turned into red and she fixed Minaya with them like a hunter focused a rabbit. 

"But...You were like a sister to me. You are.", she whimpered while a memory flickered in front of her eyes.

'I know what it feels like.', a soft voice said while a hand reached out for her own.
'What do you mean?', she asked.

'I know their gazes. I know their words. They also hit me with them.', the blonde explained and her blue eyes turned sad for a little moment. 

'Eh?', Minaya asked while she stared at the other girls hand, still struggling with herself whether she should take it or not. 'But you are the best in class and all of the others...simply love you.', she said with a little jealousy mixed in the admiration she tended for her.

Yurika tried to catch the gaze of the younger girl.
'I could not control it then, you know?', she said.
Minaya seemed surprised but a moment later she sighed. 'But now you can. I can not control it. I just don't know how i should learn it.', she meant helplessly. 

'Hey, buck up!', the taller girl said and her voice sounded friendly and warm while she nudged her. Minaya looked up to let her strange grey eyes meet the strange red eyes and laughed quietly.

'Thank you, Yurika.', she smiled one of her rarely smiles at her.

'You don't have to thank me.', Yurika said. 'And call me Yuri, okay?'
'Okay.'

They had become comrades then, in a team with a tall, brown-haired boy named Mitsuro and their teacher, a blond, tall and big person named Rikudo. She learned to trust, first just Yuri and then the other ones. She learned to fight together with them, to defend them, to give her life for them.

She was also able to control her powers more but then...Then they caught this damn demon inside her.

She shook her head, no, she was not allowed to talk so about Nibi. It was now the only comrade she had left. They were one team now she learned how to control it, how to work together with it.

Yurika took a step forward and raised her weapon above her head. 

"You mean nothing to me anymore!", she yelled and shut down her sword at Minayas chest. "So die!"

"NO!", Minaya screamed while covering her head with her arms and staring at her former friend.

She expected the stinging pain but instead her field of view turned white.

Yurika stood still, her sword just inches away form Minayas arms, her eyes widened in horror and pain. Then she fell on her knees, unhand her weapon and drop on the ground.

"What...", she whispered weakly.

Minaya came to herself again and blinked the tears away. 

Than she froze. 

"Yuri!", she said and ran towards her put was stopped by a invisible wall.
"Don't touch me, you demon!", Yurika sat up and stared at her with pure hate. 

"You deserve to die.", she hissed and stood up slowly. Her breath turned normal again and she picked up the sword next to her. "You're weak and can't control your powers. You're danger", her voice sounded icy but a little softer. Nearly to soft.

It hurt.

Minaya sobbed quietly and closed her eyes as the girl attacked her again.

Maybe she was right. Maybe she deserved the death and all this.

Maybe the world would be a better place without her...

Maybe she was right, because it was true that Minaya was weak.
She did not even managed to find her elder brother...So maybe the death was a good opinion now.

She heard the drip-drop sounds of the raindrops. She heard the howling of the wind. 

The fast steps of Yuri running towards her to make her an end.

The sound of the sword cut the air and then a strange, clinging sound...

Minaya slowly opened her eyes and saw a person in black clothes which stopped Yuris sword with another swordlike weapon. The man had red hairs and although she could not see his face, she was able to see the necklace that was twisted at his neck.

On the chain was a half-heart-shaped white pendant. 

"Who are you?", she and Yurika asked at the same time, Minayas voice dominated by surprise and expectation, Yuris voice soaked by surprise and anger. "Why are you defending her?", Yurika added. 

But Nagato was not a man of many words, especially not than, when he was saving his younger sister.

I want to be a golden star

New ways

She leaned her head against the cold window glass and stared out into the darkness.

The sky was full of clouds but they seemed to be nothing in contrast to the clouds around her heart.

She was sedated in some ways. She was hopeless. She was nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. This word echoed in her head, again and again.

She wanted to scream and she wanted to cry but...she could not...

The girl banged her right fist at the glass, but she was not able to break it and she could not feel the pain.

There was no pain anymore.

She was numb. So numb...

She was not angry with herself. She had no emotions left. She had nothing.

She was nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

It could not go on like this. It would tear her heart apart. It did it right now. 

Her family. Her kingdom. Her faith. Her destiny. 

This night. This clouds...

Her knees got weak and she fell on the hard ground, her fists beat the tiles.
Again and again.

No pain. No ache.
Just grief.
There were no tears left. They had fallen a long time ago. 

No tears. No screams.
Just scars.

Scars on her body, scars on her heart and wounds that did not want to heal.

Slowly she lifted herself up, with her hands against the wall. Slowly she opened the window.

Breathed in the frigid night air.

She searched for a new hope on the sky. She searched for stars but there was not one left.

She just saw gray clouds. Not even the moon shone.
Nothing. 

No. No she was not allowed to think like this. 

She had to looked forward.

But how? It is hopeless.

She swallowed the coming tears for the first moments but then a little smile appeared on her face.

Now that she could not even see a light, a spark of hope, she could feel all the grief hurting her.

But this pain gave her a new intention.

Because when there was no hope left, no light, no moon, not even a star, than there was only one way to go.

She had to become a star.

A light. A spark of hope.

There was no question how she could turn into such a pretty, shining light.

Because there was no answer.

It was just this notion that meant everything.

The clouds around her heart thinned. It was a sluggish process but she smiled.

Smiled while she ran into her room, took care that no one would recognize what she planned.

Yes, this house was hopeless.

And yeah, her family was cruel in some ways

And oh, her 'friends' were awful and her schoolmates - she did not want to thing about them.

And yes, this country was cursed, but it was her home and she truly wanted to safe it.

Although she had to safe herself first.

And the only way to do this, now that she could clearly feel all the hurting burden on her heart, all this old scars that were bleeding wounds in her mind, was the way out of this country.

She did not know where to go when she packed her things, a little bag with all of things she could need. 

With a sigh she looked at her bracelet.
She knew that she would never be free when she wore it but...When she would take it off now everybody would realize that she wanted to run away.

But would they care?
Oh yes. They would. She was their little puppet.
Something to play with. Something to have fun with. They needed her.

She shook her head.

No more depressive thoughts now, she told herself.
You want to be a golden star, this thought went trough her head.

"I want to be hope.", she whispered when she pushed her room window open and climbed on the windowsill. Her right hand touched the necklace she wore all the time for a short moment.

The crystal was still there. She could not leave it here. She needed its power.

Then she took a deep breath and looked on the gray night sky while she jumped.

Before she could hit the ground - her room was on the second floor - a golden light surrounded her and let her down gently. She smiled slightly before she looked around her once again. 

There were no guards in the garden.

There was no one here except her. 

She would leave this place. 

This decision freed her heart, her head, her soul.

This would be a new beginning.
This would be a change for her. 

This would be the beginning of a new era.

She was sure.

Reburn

The star rises

Todays dinner was Bouillabaisse, but she did not eat anything. 

She was just sitting there on that chair around that table and stared at the soup on her plate, the spoon tightly clutched in her right fist, staying silent.
Nobody really tried to talk to her because no one was interested in her now.
The story of the day was over for them and she and her bristling glance symbolized them that she had enough for today.
Outside the night has taken over and just in that moment, when the Mille-feuille came, she stood up, turned away and stepped out of the room.
She could not stay there now, in this large salon with that inflated chandelier and the hard expressions on the faces of her relatives.
She could not bear these shadows around them anymore because she was not that dark.
She was not that merciless, not that cruel, not that harsh and also not that strong.
She was more empathic, more kindly, more frank.
Most of citizen, that have had the luck to met her once said that she was just delightful, more than everybody else. That she was unique. That she was just like a spark of hope in the darkness.
But to be like that was pretty dangerous that time in her country.
Being so soft could be very hard, especially when you did not want to change.
She did not want to be like them but she did not think that she was very special because of that.
They tried to change her.
Tried it so many times on so many ways but failed.
Her body was already signed by those scars, it seemed broken sometimes and her soul was also hurt but she was comforted when she walked outside like she did it now.

The night above her head was starry so that she could not count the lights on the sky and the air around her was cold and she shivered because the short, golden dress that she wore did not really keep her warm. Although she knew that she would get a cold it was the only way to avoid those thoughts she got after days like this. It was the only way to calm her down. The only way to keep her safe.
First she just walked down from the stairs of the patio to see their garden.
The roses bloomed that day in their full beauty, colorful, fragile, in pink, red and white.
But these plants wasn't the only once in this wide area.
Her favorite flower, that was blooming now even in this night, was the white Lilium.
She putted on in her hand in a single moment while she was standing there, in front of the flowerbeds and looked at it carefully. She never plucked one of those flowers, because she did not want to destroy this wonderful, fleeting fineness.
She did not stay in the garden for long, because she felt like someone, anyone would call her.
And she followed those whispers.
She trusted them because they tried to help her many times.
Around the property were vast meadows that leaded to a wide, deep blue sea.
This water seemed to be full of her memories when she ran to it and looked at her reflection.
It was full of good memories, and this once was rare.
The most of her memories were painful. The most of them were sad and heartless. The most of them hurt her. The most of them were able to tear her heart apart.
Her hands stroke the tips of the lavender.
Her gait looked prancing and her glance was up to the stars and to the full moon.
For other one she would maybe seemed like an angel or something like that. In this moment she was not human. Not complete. But she would never believed this.
For herself she was a failed person, weak, anxious, uneasy.
A failed person that ran away from everything, even from a simple dinner with her family.
Oh her family...She did not want to say anything against them but...
Now it was like a kind of panic raised in her heart and she begun to run, run fast.

She almost collapsed when she reached the shore of the lake, her fists punched the moist soil under her, the mud tainted the pure gold of her dress but she did not care.
She was just kneeling there, her golden hair hung like a curtain in her face and she stroke it back to look in the water. Her reflection cried and in that moment she realized that she did it also.
She cried not because of the fresh wound on her back, not because no one really understood.
The tears flowed because of this feeling, that broke her fragile heart that seemed to have been made of glass in such moments, when she looked at her cracked self.
She was alone. She was that kind of alone no one could retrace.
It was not a feeling of loneliness, she was used to be left on her own. She was used to be ignored, to be punished, to become hurt, to feel bad.
No. She could not describe it. Her live was a puzzle, she was a puzzle that had lost a part.
And she could not find it. She searched for it all day and all night.
But it was hopeless.
It was so hopeless...She hit the surface of the water and her reflection fade away.
Now she was only able to see the reflection of the moon in the water and she laid her head back to look directly into the dark sky above her.
A little, sad smile appeared on her lips and she let herself fall on the grassy ground, her arms stretched to the sites. They would not search for her. Maybe tomorrow but not now.
She closed her eyes when the fatigue overcame her and a warm feeling caught her heart when the nightlights shone on her milky skin, let her shimmer in the dark.
One day, she was sure about it, she would leave this world to become one of those lights.
One day, when she was stronger, when she was better.
One day, yes...This thought in her head and heart she fell into her dream world.

False Friends

An unforgivable betrayal

On that day, when she turned sixteen, she had invited her closest friends to a little party.

Traditionally she would have had to celebrate with her family, but she was able to avoid this.

It would have been just one of those boring festivals with her parents, her uncles and aunts, her grandparents and all of them. And there would have been just one thing to discuss for them. Her upcoming marriage.

No she did not know her future husband but she knew that they would force her to marry someone in the near future.
So, because she did not wanted to hear those plans, she pulled herself back to her rooms and wrote the invitation carts:

There would only be four girls with her, three of her friends and her elder cousin, Nomen.

Her father had only allowed her to make this party when Nomen was with them.

Not that she did not like Nomen, but it was not a good feeling to have her in her rooms.
Maybe she was a little afraid of her.

But all those worries, all those fears drifted away when she came to the salon.
Leyla, her closest friend, they had met over ten years ago, hugged her with a happy smile on her lips.

"Super-Sweet Sixteen!", she shirked and pressed her tightly to herself. "Thanks, Leyla!", she laughed softly and freed herself from the embrace just to step in the next one.

Elise was a little older and bigger than the others but her embrace was not that tightly, it was more careful, like her whole personality. "Starlight! Best luck to you!", she smiled at her and grabbed her hand.

"Yeah, happy birthday!", Animas smile was little ironical, but Starlight knew that smile already and it was something that she really loved on her friend.

"Thanks.", she begun to laugh but could also feel tears in her bright, purple eyes.
"You're the bests.", she said with a warm voice. "But talk is cheap.", she hugged each of them and smiled her brightest smile on them while she stroke her golden hair out of her face.

"Where's the music?", Leyla asked, dancing through the big hall. "I thought this would be a party, Star?"

"Yeah, thats right!", Anima smirked. Elise nodded.

"You search for this one?", a new voice said out of the shadows.

Star turned around but she was not the only one to froze when the tall girl stepped out of the darkness.
"You would not started this party without me, dear cousin?", her smile seemed false.

Anima was the only one to keep her smile the whole time.

"No, of course not, Nomen.", Star tried to make up her fine smile again, but failed.

"Oh, that's a good decision.", Nomen laughed - a cold sound - and looked at each of them.

"We have cake here too.", she explained like the girls were six and not sixteen.
Leyla seemed a little annoyed. "Can you please lend us the remotes?", she asked with a sharp tone.

"There you have!", she thrown it towards the blond girl and Leyla caught it.

In Stars eyes laid a golden shadow of fear while she felt how the air surrounding her got thick.

Music filled the room while she had been able to forget her fear.
She forgot that they did not catch her today.
That she was not finished yet.
That this was just a show.
A show to avoid the pain.
The pain she was so afraid of.

She did not know if her friends realized it. 

She did not know if her friends realized her false smile while she was dancing with them.
While she was trying to have fun and succeeded with it.

She was so thankful for each of them being here with her.

Leyla for her being such a loud, direct, friendly, lovable person that ever got what she wanted.
Elise, because she was the honest of them all. She never lied. She took her like she was.

Anima, that was maybe the falsest but also the coolest of her friends. But she was funny in some ways.

She felt like the three of them would protect her from any pain.

But she felt not guilty for being that kinda weak in their present. 

As long as she was with them, as long as she could laugh with them, party with them, talk with them,
hug them, simply love them like they were her sisters, as long as that was her true live, she would be happy.

Lucky.

Sound.

Brave.
Safe.

Suddenly, the music broke.
The atmosphere turned black.

Black, so black that she was not able to see until she realized that they had forced her to close her eyes.

"Leyla? Anima? Elise?", she asked quietly but she did not get any answers.

Panic grew in her heart while she tried to open her eyes but they had put a blindfold over her eyes.

She felt the touch of familiar hands, that pulled her forwards, pressed her on one of the chairs.

"Is this a game? It's not funny, girls!", she tried a little laugh but failed because of the fear inside her voice.
There was still just silence around her.
She struggled but her hands were bound.

What was happened? What has gone wrong? Was it her fault?
"You can stop now.", she begged and the fear lamed her body.

In some ways she knew what would come, but, but, that could not be true!
No!
These girls were her friends.

Her friends, not her family.

Family. Nomen. No. No...

"Please.", she felt the tears in her eyes.

"Oh - are you afraid, Star?", she heard Animas voice breaking the stillness.

"Anima. Please, stop this.", she turned her head blindly into the direction of the voice.

"Hush hush, little girl.", Nomens voice was cold but she was more afraid of the sound she heard behind her. The chimney. The sound of metal. The cautery.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

She wanted to run away but a little hand pushed her back - Elise...

"Please. Don't.", she nearly cried. "Elise, Anima, Leyla, please..."

The ripping sound of her broken dress. The night air that flowed through the window and stroke her back.

No. These was her friends.

Her friends. Her sisters.

The pain was terrible. 

It was like her back would be teared apart, when they burned the flower into her skin.

But this was just the physically pain.

That wound weakened her for this moment, distorted her skin with a scar that would stay forever.

It would stay forever, under the scars that presenting her name to the world.

But she had not screamed because of this pain. She was used to this, finally.
Yes, she was afraid. And she hoped it would never happen ever again although she knew it will.

No, she screamed for another reason, for more than her torment.

For this was the worse anguish she had ever feel in her whole young live.

She screamed because of her broken heart.
They wounded her deeper than she ever expected it.
They betrayed her in the most unforgivable way but she did not want to believe this.
She just wanted them to be her friends. She thought that they would be.

She believed in them. She simply loved them.

But it was all vanity.
Maybe she was not lovable. 

No. This could not be true. It was Nomens fault. It was her fault. Certainly.

Or maybe not..? She could not forget this pain.

And she cried when they left her,

left her alone with her broken body, her broken heart, her broken light,

left her in the darkness surrounding her.

And this darkness...It was the only thing that comforted her.

Safe & Sound

We'll chase them away

This night was a starry one and over the cold lights of the skyscrapers laid the gentle shimmer of the moonlight. Thousands of stars sparkled on the dark sky, thousands of little lights shone but non of them was able to overcome the city-lights. 

She was different, standing there on the balcony in her long, white dress.

She was brighter than them.

She was stronger than them.

It was cold outside and so he could see his own breath as he stepped out of the door too.

He knew why she was awake at this time although he could not see her face.
She had a lot of bad dreams when she slept alone in her room.
A lot of nightmares, that flashed and crashed in her sleep and forced her to wake up.
She did not really know why she had those dreams but she was sure that they will kill her someday.
And the meaning of this visions were unclear too.
She was worried about the future, yes, that was something he knew.
And something he could understand.
For a moment he just stood there with his gaze up to her.
The stars above their heads glowed but compared with her, they were just sparks and she was the flame.
He was dazzled by this light, like he was it all the time when he was with her.
But it wasn't a bad feeling.
Because of her, he had learned to see with his heart too.
Not an easy exercise for a mistrustful person like him. He had every reason for being so.
But she would never betray him. When he knew one thing for sure, than it was her loyalty.
She had left everything behind for him.
She had given away everything. Her family. Her kingdom.
She had become a traitor in their eyes but had done the most important thing.
She was herself now. There was no mask anymore. She was finally herself.
He was proud of her. He was thankful in every way.
But in some case he was also afraid.
Most of the time he thought that she was too good for him. Too pure.
Although he knew that she was not that innocent, she could never be cruel. Never.
Not like her family. There was no way to be like that for her.
By now, she realized his present, but still stares up to the night sky.
He followed her glance to that very light over their heads. It was so cold.
Even he winched by the sight of it and he knew death already.
There was death everywhere around him. And she was the life.
She was the light and no one could ever resist her, no one could stop loving her.
He could least. For her was everything he needed in his life.
Because the entire darkness around him wasn't worth living without her light.
He knew that she needed him like he needed her and so he could not endure her standing there alone in the cold.

With a few steps he was behind her and caught her into a gingerly embrace.
She took his hands without saying a word and he felt the warmth of her touch.
"Nightmares again?", he asked softly and she nodded weakly.
"The same like always.", she answered him without turning her gaze away from the sky.
He knew what she was talking about. What she was dreaming about.
"Don't worry about it.", he tried to comfort her while he leaned his head against her shoulder.
He crossed his right hand with hers. "Everything will be alright. I am sure about it."
She finally looked at him with her sparkling, golden eyes.
"But i am afraid.", she said sadly. "I am not strong enough.", she bowed her head.
"You don't have to be the strongest. You are not alone anymore."
He gently lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "I am with you."
There was a little smile on her lips. The sparks in her eyes were bright. She seemed thankful.
But before she could thank him for something which was so natural for him, he leaned towards her.
He closed his eyes while he pressed his lips against hers.
When he separated from her a moment later, he leaned his forehead against hers.
"I promise.", he stroked her hair behind her ears again. "I promise to stay with you."
She smiled brightly, held their crossed hands up so they were in front of her chest.
"Forever?", it was more a statement than a question.
"Until the worlds end and longer than that.", he smiled too, a slightly but warm smile.
He pulled her closer to him, his blue eyes had turned red.
"You don't have to be afraid too.", she said with her melodic voice.
In his eyes laid a hint of surprise, that fated away quickly. Of course she knew.
Than his smile turned a bit worried and sad.
"I know you are afraid of losing me.", she went on. "That you could fail by protecting me."
His gaze was lost in her golden eyes.
"Yes.", he said so quietly that only she could understand his words. "That would be the biggest loss."
By the thought of losing her he flinched.
"You will never lose me.", she said. "Never."
In Unbelief he looked at her.
"You said this, you remember? That they can never separate us. That we will be together."
"That's right.", his words came slowly.
"I believe in this. I believe in that tale. I believe in you.", she put her hands behind his neck and pulled him towards her.
"I will keep this promise.", she whispered and kissed him.
"And i will keep you safe.", he said when she laid her head against his shoulder, closed her eyes.
"I will chase all your fears away. We will be safe. Safe and sound."

Thunderstorm of nightmares

The troubles within their destiny

Lightnings flashed trough the dusty air, close followed by thunders that nearly crashed the windows.

There was no rain pouring from the cloudy sky, there was a strange, yellow and grey light everywhere, that was interrupted by the blue lightnings.

She has been always afraid of what came next to the lightning, these shattering sounds,
When she was a little girl, she always hid herself in the corner of her room with her blanket around her.

She had cried quietly and pressed her little hands over her face and flinched whenever a thunder crashed.

There was no on to protect her from her fears. There was only the darkness around her.

And so, whenever a thunderstorm came to her hometown, she sobbed herself to sleep.

She did not even had a teddy bear or another stuffed animal to pressed against herself.
So she found her only hold in the blankets and pillows wrapped around her.

After the terrible fear had been displaced out of her thoughts, she fell into a world of dark dreams.

This dreams were just as terrified like the thunders, they were full of death.

She felt alone and hopeless in her world of dreams, she felt like everyone she loved was gone, she felt like she was close to her own death. An atrocious end full of tragedy.

She felt a heavy burden on her small body but an even heavier burden on her fragile soul.

It was the feeling of guilt, it was the feeling of loss.
So she cried even more when those dreams came over her little heart.

By then one of her cousins had used to place her in her bed, but they never stayed with her.

There was no one to hold her, no one to comfort her, no one to stroke her hair lighty, no one, no one.

They did not care that she was afraid. They did not care when she was suffering.

She was their doll, their puppet.

A tool.

Every time when she woke up after such a night, with the light of a rising sun, she felt sedated, like the shock would never leave her children mind, like she would suffer because of her dreams forever.
When she turned fifteen, she finally managed to cry when they came.
She was afraid of thunders at all, but because she knew that no one would ever come and soothe her, she managed to build a wall around her soul.
She begun to wonder what the dreams want to tell her.
She begun to wonder if that was her fate.
She reminded what happen in her dreams and then the tears started finally to run down her cheeks.
This war.
War.
Hate.
Death. 
Her wispy heart was shattered again.
There were to much troubles in her destiny, there was too much...too much for her to keep her real smile.
Her cold-hearted family did not make anything better.
Now that she was grown up to a beautiful, young woman, she was more the doll than the tool.
They showed her around like she was a decoration or a pretty cup they won in one of the wars which were already over. 
They has stopped to take her to the temple against her own will.
But she still beard the burden of her family's crystal.
She still was the heir.
And she still heard the whispers.

Now she is finally a traitor for her family.
She separated from them not long ago. She did not want to remember how this ended.
She did not want to think of what will happen now, when they are so angry with her.
But she could not stay with them anymore.
The feeling of incompleteness, that one thing she could never explained to herself, had turned to strong.
It had cut her heart out of her body, it had started to kill her.
It had weakened her light.
There is a thunderstorm over this city.
It is not her hometown. She left her country.
Sometimes she feels sorry because of her people.
They counted on her and she disappointed them like always.
But it would have killed her to stay with her family. She had to run away to save her life.
And she will never come back.
Because now they are furious with her. She knew it because of the scars on her milky skin.
The letters, scratched in her flesh to stay there forever, remind her again and again.
He was shocked when he first saw all the signs of theri anger and frustration, of hatred and forced on her.
He just did not believe how they could had done this to her and she did not try to explain.
There was nothing to explain. It was like that. So simple.

The sound of thunder let her flinch again.
The sky outside was full of clouds, gray light shine through them into the room.
The lightning flashes in a blue light. All of these things scares her.
But now she is not alone.
He is by her side, holding her close so she can forget the fears she has.
She knows that he will hold her until the storm outside is over.
She can count on him and she could not count on anyone like on him.
The wall has fallen for him, but she is certain that he will never hurt her in any ways.
She trusts him with her life like he does.
And now she can sleep without having these nightmares.
Most of them are gone when he is with her.
Most of them are forgotten when he comforts her.
Most of them.
But there is one nightmare left.
One vision. And she is sure that the goddess gave her this vision to threat her.
It symbolizes her greatest fear.
The fear of losing him.

There will always be an end to the night

The whispers (part 2)

It was this warm, inexpressible feeling of completeness which was running through her veins in that moment.

That feeling released her smile. Not one of her polite smiles, neither one of her superficial, fake smiles.

It was one of those smiles that could light up a whole life in the moment it reached her lips.

She had not forgot him even though she was sure that he had forgotten her already.

But that did not matter.

She had felt his gaze onto her back while she has looked to the picture of the death goddess.

In that moment she could be certain that he knew her. Maybe he did not notice why it was like that.

She did not show him her mask that she used to hide her feeling behind.

No, she was just herself. Something that did not happen often.

He was the quiet one like he was it on that day.
It was not because he was shy, she guessed, because he simply was not shy. Maybe he was just wary or something like that.

She was not. Not really. Not of him.

When she was mistrustful of anyone, then of her family, especially of Nomen.

In her whole personalty she was not like him, she thought.
He was like the nightsky, in some ways. She knew that since the day they first met.

It was not just his dark hairs in combination with his blue eyes, it was the way he acted, he spokes.

But that was not the whole thing. She was sure that he was like the dark.

But not like the obscurity in that room she used to hate or like the eclipse around the goddess when their parents forced her to go there.
He was different.
She could not describe that in words.
Words were to weak. To cheap.

They talked about the light. 

He seemed to be not surprised because she could see it too. He dealt with it like it was usual to meet someone who could see the like often but she believed he was surprised.

Although she was not surprised by the fact that he seemed to hate it too.

Each of them showed that hate in another ways, she transformed it into light and he transformed it into darkness. It was their way to handle it.

Because that gift was a burden, too and not a lightly one.

He seemed to take his burden as a particularly heavy one and she knew he had the rights to do so.

She wanted to help him but it was not that easily. Not really.

They stood on different sites. For their countries sakes.

She knew a lot about him on that peace-conference-day. He did not know a thing about her but she knew nearly everything, because this young man was just the biggest enemy of her family.

The protector of the last crystal. The crystal her family wished to have.

This was the cause of the coming war. Just this stone.

Sometimes she hated it that much. To be in that position.

He really did not memories her but she tried to take it not to her heart.
Maybe it was not his fault at all. She did not know that so how could she judge about it?
He asked for her name and she recognized a little, hidden smile on his face.

She was happy about it in some ways, too happy and that was the reason for her to say goodbye.

It wouldn't be good to stay there but after she took a few steps, she had to turn back to him.

The smile on her lips awoke anew, while she told him that she was glad to had got the chance to talk to him. His answer made her laugh in a soft way before she offered him to come to her homeland one day although she knew he would never do so. He could not except he wanted to be killed.
But she had to say it.

Because she wished that they could see each other again.
She hoped for it like she hoped for the peace and no one would ever grant her these wishes.
The one of being with him was simply forbidden. It could not be.
Her family would not want that. They would not allow it in any ways. Never.
The other one was an unattainable wish too. Her clan planed the war for over four years now.
All their visits to those conference was a strategic play for them.
And she was just a puppet.
The doll of her family.
Maybe a shooting star.
No, it could not be like that! There was another way!
She would never accept her destiny like that.
She was not born to become a war-bringing monster at all.
The whispers kept on cheering her up, giving her hope, but they could not stop it.
They could not make it undone what just happened.
What had happened this long time ago on that day in the meadows.
They could not make her forget him. But that was never one of the things they wanted.
They wanted to give her hope but they could not stop the feeling of incompleteness rising in her heart. 
Again she felt alone.
Again she felt imperfect.

You will find it at the end

The whispers (part 1)

With her eyes closed, she laid on her large sized poster bed.

She only had a little time left to their leaving to Solheim. She would go there with her cousin.
It was an very important meeting, in detail it would be the last peace-conference at all.
She was afraid about the future. She was afraid of what was going to come, about the coming war.
The cold war lasted now for more than five years and it was getting more and more worst, day by day.
She was more afraid of the future of her kingdom than of her own destiny.
More afraid than of the light on the night sky.
She opened her eyes and stood up, just to look over to the window and the night sky behind it.
She walked over and pushed the window open for breathing the fresh, clear air from outside.
Her golden hair shimmered by the light of the rising moon on the black cover of the night.
It was her favorite time of day, the twilight hour with the last gleam of a setting sun, the rainbow colors on the horizon, the rising night in the form of a sky getting more and more blue until midnight.
The first stars sparkled on the cover of the night, shimmering in a silver light.
Seeing herself in the reflexion of the windowpane, she sighed annoyed.
"Damn.", she hissed to her mirror-self and walked over to her wardrobe.
She took a look closer to her and realized once again how much she hated her outward appearance.
All the others said that she would look like a star but the rather compared herself with a foolish little dormouse. She was nothing more than that little animal.
When she saw in her mirror, she looked at a petite figure with milky skin, with big, sad looking eyes which had the color of lavender and long, golden hairs. She hated everything but she hated her smile the most.
It was the expression of how false she really was.
Her real smile never reached her lips when she was at home. Home was not really home for her.
It was more or less a prison.
They threat her like she would be a little dog. A particular important dog, of course.
But they hit her when she did something wrong, and they stroke her when she did something right.
She has got scars all over her body because of them, but also because of her fights.
The color of her choice for tonight was white.
It symbolized Innocence, Light, Hope, Peace, Pleasure and a pure Soul.
She loved the thought of being a pure soul also she knew she is not. She is no pure soul. She is not innocent. She is not bright. Not even lovable.
A few moments later a knocking noise awoke her from her pitiful thoughts.
She answered it with a toneless voice.
The tall girl that was stepping in her rooms went by the name of Nomen. She had black hears, silver shimmering eyes and a broad hollywoodlike smile on her full lips.
"Are you ready?", she asked with a cold-toned voice.
"Of course.", she looked to her and went a few steps closer to her.
"That's good.", said Nomen and reached out for her but she flinched away.
Nomen seemed a little disappointed but she did not say anything, just turned around and walked over to the door. Her cousin followed her right behind.

A few moments later they sat in the oversized, black car on their way to Solheim.
She tried to keep the largest distance between herself and her older cousin.
She would have liked the company of Lucis more than that of Nomen.
The reasons were not important at that moment.
Outside the windows buildings, citys and forests passed and she looked at them carefully like she would not want to miss one sight of it.
"Everything alright, little light?", Nomen asked her and she sounded like she would want to mock her.
"Everything alright.", she said coldly.
"Huh, hush, hush.", Nomen laughed. "Not that kinda annoying, little star."
No, she would not let Nomen provoke her. No. She would not let this happen.
Tonight was the only chance to save the peace! Her only chance!
She forced herself to calm down little by little until they arrived the borderline from Tenebrae to Solheim.
The silence around her was like a pressure to her and she felt sedated in some ways she could not understand. She did not even try to understand.
Nomen, who was still sitting next to her, looked like a statue. It was everytime the same when they had been invited to those meetings. First she was mocking and annoying and cruel and then she turned into a hard, superior, arrogant woman. She was the one to make the things clear, to show the others the opinion of their family in the one, right way. The violent way.
She sighted once again when she looked out of the window and up to the night sky where the sky shimmered and gleamed and sparkled...But they were not alone.
There was a shining light, much brighter than every star alone. Brighter than all of them together.
It could not be seen by Nomen or anyone of her family. Just she could see it. Only she could feel them.
The expiring souls that wandered to the entire land through that light.
She knew all stories they tell about the light and those who are able to see it.
But it did not help her at all. Because no one understood how she felt when she looked onto the night sky.
No one would be able to understand her at all. Nomen was the last one she wanted to talk with about it.
They arrived a few moments later and just in the moment the car stood still, she nearly jumped out of it. She hated this pressure...Nomen get off the car too and stepped forward to her.
"Okay, let's rock that thing.", she said and she sounded terrible ironic.
They went into the building and it seems like she just felt something but she did not really know what that was. Nomen was not able to realize this and so she went ahead, walked up the stairs to the first floor and did not even noticed that her cousin was not there anymore. 
She just climped the last three stairs when her cousin turned in another direction.

The light seemed to guide her away from all the others. 
She went to an elevator and drove it to the highest floor of that building.
When the door opened, she stepped she came to a long corridor, which had the form of crescent moon. There was no escape for her, there was no chance to take the control back to herself. She just walked and walked, her violet eyes turned into gold again and again.
She heard whispers inside her head and they reached her heart with what they said.
When she was a little child those whispers told her storys. Everytime when she laid on her bed, her small head buried in the blanked and with tears flowing over her cheeks, they told her to look happy and smile. And so she did. Her parents ordered the same. Smiling. So she learned it, that fake smile she hated so much.
When she knew that she was the one who had the control now, she stood in front of a stunning picture.
It showed the goddess, even without a description she knew it.

The one who caused her so much trouble and who will cause so much trouble in her near future.
She was fascinated by this figure like she was fascinated by this storys.
The whispers were silent, now, when she just stood there. 
She did not noticed anyone around her until she felt this strange feeling again.
Even before she heard some footsteps, she knew that he was coming. It was the feeling of becoming complete, although she did not know that yet. She knew it because that feeling was getting stronger. 
And so she turned around and smiled her real smile for the first time.